Saturday, February 25, 2006

A month of silence & some comfort

Its exactly a month since I touched my blog. And I think my few visitors must have given up on me? Or maybe not.

I travelled for approximately 20 days and came back with a fever the day I landed and the day India discovered the Bird Flu virus! All symptoms matched but my inner radar told me that it was not so. Worst thing was that even though with high fever I could not stay home. Because 6 days following my return we had a big event to conduct and I am the co-ordinator. And the people using my help are all in dissarray.

Now, I hate medicines and doctors. I hate being taken care by people who I do not feel a chemistry with, when I am unwell. It is very peculiar. Some people qualify and some do not and its not my mind deciding it - it some other force within!! So, I live with fever and some cough and reach office. But suddenly there is a sudden sense of peace in being unwell...

If not the fever, my mind is restless and pacing and I want everything done right now. But with fever everything slows down. I speak slowly, I think slowly and people listen patiently... So, inspite of the nausea and discomfort I began enjoying the fever and work!!!

However, it was real bad the 4th night when I felt my head has been clasped tightly all night. So, I finally gave up and decided to call the only friend who can touch me at these times. Someone from 5 years ago, who I do not meet and he is well settled with kids and I told him that its best we do not meet until I 'settle down'.

" Hi, its me...."
" Wow, how come you called?"
" I am feeling unwell and you know...."
" I thought you planned never to call..."
" yes.. well I think I got a bit weak... anyway.. forget it, its Ok. How are you?"

And then I put the phone down. Not sure if I did the right thing.

Anyways, next morning as I get up my door bell rings and there he is standing with a big smile. "You are a stupid guy and crazy. Why did you not simply ask me to come over?"

Its a fact. I can trust him for my life, anytime. But my heart will never be free if I do not stop meeting . You know what I mean? How do I explain such things to the person? For him life is just a river... whatever.

But as I always knew, his presence suddenly perked me up and I was up and ready to eat, bathe and talk. I took off and we wathced a movie (The king maker... thai movie... which has been lying in the cold storage for sometime)

By evening I was feeling much much better. And no medicines yet!

In the evening he gave me a short massage that did a world of good for my aching body and the next day I was feeling real ok... though weak.

Next evening I also had one drink with him and we joked about my crazy circumstance and decision about not meeting him.

" You understand why we should not meet. No? I cannot get a life, if I get comfortable?"
"No, I cannot understand. I do not think as deep as you are doing. You have changed a lot since we met, like many, but I have not. You know you can always depend upon me for anything? For me friends are forever... but you also know I am a guy and not a ..."
"Well, Ok. But you have to believe that this is best for me... else I just get used to life as it is..."

So, now I am well. And finally written a new blog. But, as you see I do not write things clearly.

More later.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

James Dean: Thanks for coming back, and I hope you feel better soon. What a tender story!

8:11 PM  
Anonymous SiamJai said...

Glad to see you back, Trangam. :-)
Yes, life slows down when one has fever... but then why does English use 'feverishly' the other way? ;-)

I'm not really sure about the reasons you decided not to meet this true friend of yours. Seems to be a deeply personal issue, so no questions asked. :-)

Take care,

10:52 PM  
Blogger trangam said...

Dean & Siam Jai, Thanks for your nice welcome backs. Clears my mind more!! Thanks.

7:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feeling better?

8:45 AM  
Blogger trangam said...

Yes! I think that week of being unwell was very good for me. I think I am really feeling better & better... Thanks.

6:47 AM  

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