Trang

The world loves to Dance.

2008-08-17T03:43:00.000-07:00

For all the Bangaloreans upset about the recent ban on dancing in discs here is something which will bring back your spirits... Click the link and see how the world loves dancing, from Bhutan to Brazil. Dancing brings people we never met ... together.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

About song, dance & music in Bangalore

2008-08-16T01:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I passed a Islamic education office and it carried a 'fatwa' against mobile ringtones - no muslim should have one. It says that listening to musical instruments is un-islamic? From my personal view this is outrageous. Is that true? But well, I do not know everything about the world and this is not killing anyone. But then I realised its not as outrageous as it sounds to be. The police in Bangalore have banned all live music, dancing and loud music in discotheques in Bangalore. Maybe it still does not compare with the ringtone 'fatwa' but we are getting there?

India & China are going to be the next superpowers - one feudal and the other a dictator - so watch out, we have some values the world must follow soon! Backed by a 10000 or more year old rich culture... in our heads today. (not on the streets)

LOLz. Hope I did not scare you too much. I love India a lot and am sure that the common man will soon overpower those who think they need to own this country. Hopefully...

If it was Israel would the torch run in India?

2008-04-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

No way. Most likelyAamir Khan would not have found words to explain if it was his choice or the fundamentalists pressure not to participate. For that matter most Indian sportspeople would have chickened out? And the Indian government braver than its today? I hate to compare like this, but I cannot take this off my mind.Please support tibet. Its the only symbol of peace in this world and we have shared our home with Tibetians, so we must morally support them. They are not killing anyone. Every else movement in this world has lost it.

A Brave Indian

2008-04-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

Only Indian sportsperson (and among the very few famous Indians) to express open support to the Tibetian cause - Baichung Bhutia, a famous football player in India. Its tricky when some people think that sports should not be politicised. But we have so many Tibetians living as Indians the issue ought to be more personal for us, in my opinion. But surprisingly there is not much from India. Maybe we do not have to get into Chinese internal affairs but I would hope more such peaceful expressions. Actually China should be proud to have probably the only peaceful protest around the world for decades now. Led by Dalai Lama who promotes peace. Not that I know much about Tibet in detail. But, generally speaking, if Tibet was part of India and I the leader, I would have handled it with kid's glove and with lots of love. How else?

Unfortunately, we all want to get richer. And hope that those who are not able to join the race, keep their mouths shut and let us carry on 'progressing'.

And the saddest part was a statement from our government, via Pranab, who asked Dalai Lama to avoid any political activities. And he mentioned that Dalai Lama is our guest. How insulting... to remind him of that? Dalai Lama is as much Indian for me as long as he is in India. I am so ashamed with that spineless statement from our government... so sad!

We are very outspoken when it comes to morality but when it comes to moral support to others, not many of us have the time or clarity. The world is becoming more and more - hopelessly practical - as of now.

I like India best when it sings!

2008-03-02T09:33:00.000-08:00

Like this song from one contestant Rohanpreet. He and all the kids in the competition 'Little Champs' on Zee TV are awesome!

and another one from Tanmay

Pictures from Bali

2008-02-16T20:46:00.000-08:00

From a recent but very breif visit to Bali, Indonesia.

Police, deadlines and the almighty Bangalore city.

2008-02-16T11:29:00.000-08:00

How do you feel when the people who you are supposed to seek protection from are the ones who will harrass you? So, is the experience I went through today with the police. Its 12 in the midnight and i stand out a restaurant where my friend is. Its illegal for the restaurant to be open because the closing time is 1130hrs in Bangalore. But well he is in, and I am waiting to help him reach home. And suddenly two jeeps full of policemen arrive. Just as soon as they come out, one of them begins shouting to me. Suddenly, from being a good friend, I feel a criminal! I walk a few feet away and stand. 5 mintues after a slightly senior police guy walks up to me and shouts - "what are you doing here!". I say, " I am waiting for my friend" And he murmurs something inaudible and shuvs me away - almost slapping my shoulder. Very disheartening. I am in a street, there are cars, and people walking by and I am not allowed to stand!! Whatever, I am treated immediately in a manner that does not make me feel I am proud citizen of this country or city.

I walk a few metres away where there seems to be some shops open. 5 minutes later this policeman comes to me shouting again threatining to hit me. I am now loosing it. Just when I want to give up and take him on, my friend arrives and takes me away. Not sure what would happen otherwise. Would I have ended up in Jail arguing with him?

This is what Bangalore has become. For people who like to extend there hours. This is probably what India is now. You cannot have your own life. There are multiple worlds in this country and just as we progress economically, they seem to be clashing with each other. One would expect otherwise? But I am afraid we are going some odd way.

You cannot dance in Bangalore. You cannot be anywhere after 1130hrs. Terrorist, thiefs, corrupt people, probably are doing fine. But having Fun is illegal. Shopping, making money, producing chidren is the only great virtue in India even if your children have to travel to the west for that - does not matter if people in that part of the world 'dance'. Thats ok if you are bringing money and status home.

If the terrorist do not bomb us, our own police and other authorities are going to kill the weak.

And then economically progressing India will be even stronger.

I am so so so upset and dissapointed today!

dil hoom hoom kare [male]- by bhupen hazarika

2007-12-09T07:04:00.001-08:00

Bhupen Hazarika is such a singer. I just cannot get him out of my head....! Check this video.

Note: You may have to stop a video playing at the bottom of this page. Do not know how to stop it from self-starting. LoLz.

Free Burma

2007-10-04T11:03:00.001-07:00

Burma - A neighbour in pain and how do you feel?

2007-10-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

Not happy at all with our authorities response to Burma problem. I mean becoming a economic power and all is fine and strategic thinking and business interests are fine, but would you like to be in a world tommorow where your neighbours tell you how we closed our eyes while the people next door were suffering? Thats a lousy personality to carry. Just think of some other nations who behaved so - how badly it affects its people in the long run? I know we have our problems too, but if you hear someone shouting its not so nice to ignore it...

So, anyways, if the authorities do not stand up we can individually, to our capacities? So, please sing the petition at Avaaz. And if you are a blogger follow the plan on the international bloggers day at the http://www.free-burma.org/ site. Here are the links:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/stand_with_burma/

http://www.free-burma.org/

The New Indian Idol

2007-09-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

Amazing that I started watching Indian Idol because of this person's ( Prashant Tamang is his name) voice which I happened to fall upon while surfing channels one day.... liked his voice instantly... and he is now The Indian Idol!!! Coool! I am proud I voted for him too. I think there were others who probably were more technically better singers, but his voice is the kind I like and also his personality. So, I am glad. People have all kind of words about the way he got bulk votes from the police department, which he belongs to, and his region... but the fact is I voted him too and he is the Indian IDOL!!! So I for one have no complaints ....

A point is that we hear great singers everyday... via CDs, movies etc. But there are always some voices and singers you fancy more?

Having said this the person who came second Amit was very very good too. And if he was to become the Indian Idol I would not complain again. He too seems to be a terribly good human being and I am sure he is going to make good in his life!

(Is it only me, or did anyone else notice that the official Indian idol site in the last few days was placing and using text & content with a subtle hint that Amit is the better material? if so, they failed! Maybe its my imagination only... )

And for Prashant, the Indian Idol, I wish him all the best in life. Sure its not going to be easy in the commercial world even after this, but he surely is a fighter and will only get better & better with time... and show us all what India is really about in its heart...

Note: If you want to play the video below and if this page is already playing a number embedded in another post, please go down this page and stop the video. I do not know how to stop auto-start in that code!!! sorry.

Shadows

2007-08-25T06:16:00.001-07:00

Just passing time with my mobile

Rungyal Adrak: the Tibetan who spoke up for Freedom, Truth and Justice

2007-08-21T10:10:00.000-07:00

Magnoys Samsara picks up another valuable information on an issue most of us do not talk off the way we did. Between the growth of two economies, India & China is there a chance for Tibet to find its being? The only non-violent movement I know off, a lovable leader Dalai Lama - and many of us can't see it! These are truly 'Modern times'.

About Rungyal.... A new leader...

If he had not spoken up, the news would not have been made, but the suppression would have continued silently, the pain in the heart of every individual would have remained buried deep in the hearts and never spoken about, and everything would have been “normal”...

3-somes

2007-08-11T21:12:00.001-07:00

Are common in Bangalore. Lol!

Awesome Singers

2007-08-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

I cannot imagine that I have been missing such a fantastic lot of singing, which the entire country is switched on to. Just shows how much I am busy!

The guys and girls on Indian Idol sing so fantastic, its a pleasure. Of course I hate the game plan of chucking people out periodically. Can't stand it! Wish they could find another way to carry this competition... for I like each one I hear... Like Prashanth below...

What makes Haneef so special - Now?

2007-07-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

I am glad that he is innocent and that the efforts of all have gotten him free. The effort means a lot in terms of Haneef's life & future. But I am very preplexed to hear the government offering him a job. I would instead expect the government checking out its own police and authorities and wondering if we are not wrongly accusing/framing/harrasing people in India - and I am not talking about terrorism but about daily life and everyday people.

For me, now that Haneef is free, proven innocent - thats it. Very good job done by supporters and a good message sent. I felt pretty ok about the media's role when seeking answers to Haneef in Australia, but now it seems to be getting to be simple selling tactics for them and they think I am all ready for digesting them? But I say, why does the media keep reminding me of him as a person? Why do they keep talking about Australia as if everything is perfect here? I know for certain from direct experience that there are parts of Australia which can be so. But which country is not? I wish things were different but we as humans still need to evolve. No wonder that things are so difficult in India for so many, because we have this fantastic ability to find someone 'worse' for the moments and feel better? So, nothing really needs to be done on a humane level for the less priveleged. I am not sure if Haneef would have got all this attention if he was not in Australia, but instead in some less developing country than ours?

Next, I am also preplexed that no one spent enough time denouncing the planned bombing in UK which would hurt people. God knows, we got terrorism on our heads. Do we not? Guess, if we can forget about it - it would make our lifes better? Maybe.

Movie time

2007-07-15T00:14:00.001-07:00

Watching die hard 4 right now

Taj Mahal - The SMS wonder

2007-07-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

So, is my view. I never knew the '7 wonders...' title was such a sham. Not taking away from the greatness of the landmarks on the list, but the whole procedure of selection is about national pride and not the monuments in question. And that is wrong.

And really, however great Taj Mahal is, it makes real boring cover pages - its been used over and over again to represent India.

So, I do not love India? I do absolutely, but not via Taj Mahal, even though I see it as a maginificient architecture. But it does not make me wonder. That was one selfish love affair of a king and not the more heroic ones I know of like Heer Ranja and others.

There is a lot more in India, which I see with a chill in my bones and that which makes me wonder....

And think about it. Would Angkor Wat not be a greater wonder. It also relates to the wonder that Indian civilisation once was? Mysterious, unsolved, ancient... I mean so what if it does not lie within our borders? What if Taj Mahal happened to be in Pakistan side before partition and we lost it? Would we have still voted it?

2007-07-07T22:52:00.001-07:00

Aerosmith Yesterday

2007-06-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

Well, it was quite good, but I failed my Aerosmith Exam! I prepared the song PINK & Janie's Got a gun, with all its lyrics and they never sang it - so I was there just shaking my booty! Well, the thing is that I heard a lot of rock in college but for some reason Aerosmith was not in our books and I suspect much the same with many in Bangalore - but for the very real rock fans. Words from other groups like Pink Floyd, Iron Maiden, MLTR, Deep Purple, Enrique - who visited Bangalore are more on people's tongue, than the Aero numbers.

But the Band performed real well and Tom & Joey very entertaining and I enjoyed the time.

While the overall organisation was good & easy, what I cannot get is that when one can set up such a fine stage, why not spend good time & money on the crowd & on-the ground management? It took almost and hour or more, entering & standing in Q, to get in and almost the same to get out, even though Palace Ground is huge with multiple entries. And I really wish they had landscaped it to rise towards the back - many short people just saw the backs of others! I think the projection screens were placed too low. And I felt a bit irritated with the kiosk on the walls with their lights being lit throughout the concert with the moon so full, so bright. But that was minor....

All said the crowd was very well behaved, and there was no real problem at all - and it was mostly fun people. Except for this one guy who tried to push his way between one of the girl who accompanied us and me. Later, my friend told me that he was actually seeking me and not her. LOLz!

The rock concert lasted just 90 minutes! Sounds too short to me.

Later, we went to almighty Residency Road for food - the only place its still available after 11 in the night. By 12 the policemen were there shouting at the top of their voices waving lathis - asking for the restaurant to shutdown. Quite rude to the public often - who I suspect they consider as rogues in their own minds?.(not the traffic police... they I think are really patient and hard working while managing the intense Bangalore traffic)

I tell you - the Bangalore Police (in brown) could give Tom a run for his money for the kind of shrieks they can generate.

'Walk this waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!"

Aerosmith Tommorow!

2007-06-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Excited Real to attend the concert tommorow in town!

Hope its worth it...

One special Hindu

2007-05-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

He is Rahul Easwar, Grandson of the Head Priest.... in Sabrimala or Guruvayoor. Both associated with traditions which we modern people think obsolete...

But.... now, as I hear him today on TV and once earlier in a discussion on NDTV...

It does not matter that he belongs to a temple in Kerala which is currently being considered controversial - Guruvayoor temple. It does not matter that he is on the receiving end of people who think that sabrimala temple should be opened upto women. Inspite of all my liberal thoughts I think this man has the profound depth in his thought, is from the roots he is talking of, and can visualise the issues with far higher sophistication & sensitivity than the trigger happy religious fanatics, liberals, seculars, and the all other thought processes. I feel it in my guts, that this is one genuine person who knows the purpose, relevance and the essence of what he is dealing with.

While all those protesting the traditions are speaking from without and like to break things. He is from within thinking of change - but with consideration and a clear understanding of the insititutions. That in my eyes makes him a man of much greater worth than all of us sitting on PCs, chairs, and charity posts telling the world how to behave.

Going to keep a watch on him and see how things go for him in this otherwise complicated country. Wish him the best.

Time to destroy all Hindu erotica?

2007-05-13T03:04:00.000-07:00

What the invaders over the centuries could not do to us, we are about to to do onto ourselves?

For long I had thought, but would not express it due to a loss of words, authority and lack of historical confirmation. But I read something today, which echos how I see the current wave of Hindu hardliners taking the task of moral policing - which is so unlike what I understand the common man in India, even the most conservative. Old conservative ladies who I have discussed with - everything under the sun... or is it about the part of the country I live in?

The sentence comes from a line from Mr. Ranjit Hosakote's reaction to the recent 'fundamentalist intrusion into an art exhibition' which led to the arrest of a student, who actually is a son of a carpenter and not one from the 'elite' as the fundamentalist would have wished for. I am quite disheartened to see the flexibility, vastness and variety of Hinduism being appropriated by a section of people who see it in just there narrow regressive manner. And the line I refferred to earlier well sums it up:

"It appears that the champions of a resurgent Hindu identity are acutely embarrassed by the presence of the erotic at the centre of Hindu sacred art. As they may well be, for (their roots) do not lie in Hinduism. Rather, they lie in a crude mixture of German romanticism, Victorian puritanism ...."

One can read more of this article here...

Thank God I am not a woman in Bangalore.

2007-05-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

When I was in college hostel, I remember one girl telling me how sad it is that she could cannot enjoy going out after midnight and enjoy the late night tea and parantha outside our college - something which all the male students relished, especially during exams - unless she was accompanied by other men. That too would be a matter of taking 'care' and worrying about remarks from others.

That was in a city in North India, for the short time I was in that part of the country. South, though still India and with its own worries, I thought, always allowed greater freedom and safety for women.

So, a number of such thoughts were running in my head as I visit New Delhi, the capital of India. And I stand in a corridor when a revulsive manager shouts at a lady executive - for all of us to hear. I think this is some franchisee of citibank. They sound like people working on daily pressures - like the ones I see in american movies ... in a door-to-door sales outfits - loud mouth chief executives, shivering managers and then a loud mouth manager and shivering executives and so it goes down the heirarchy. And I thought to myself - 'Such behaviour would not happen down south.' (even as I feel bad about generalising...)

But today's news I hear from Bangalore is really disheartening. Females will not be allowed to work late into the night. Its a punishable law and the government says its aimed at the companies and not the women and the minister also refers to Indian culture - women are also housewifes and they need their time.

True, many women would also be housewives. Maybe, many women would not like to work late in the night. But if one women does want to - who is the government to decide otherwise?

Sometime ago one lady was murdered in the night. And there are cases of sexual harrasment in the office. But is that not a separate subject to deal with?

Is a democractic world supposed to be meant only for the majority? Because most women should stay home are we supposed to question the one who walks out in the night? Is that the issue?

If I was a woman today I would rebel in my mind. I would find legitimate reasons to be negative. About breaking laws, norms and culture.

I mean... the culture we have, if we have, is because people retain it out of love and choice. Not because of any government ruling....

There ... I start repeating myself again. I was born in a much more free India than its today and its getting worse.

Richard Gere kissing Shilpa scares 'Shilpa's owners'

2007-04-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid movies were raunchier, Bangalore was more happening, people were more tolerant, etc. etc. People laughed about scandals. And Indian culture was very attractive to me in its totality and I never missed a religious movie or the chance to talk to a religious person. Now, very often when FTV, foreigners, NRI happen to enter to this scene a group of people cry on the fall of ' Indian culture'.

You know what I think? These special group of people who protest always had the illusion that they owned all the pretty people in the country - irresepctive of how ugly they themselves were - because of their power or what? Now, they feel scared because they see a world that they are loosing control on. That's why they have suddenly are becoming paranoid - enough to put an arrest warrant on Mr. Gere and Shilpa for kissing!

Culture happens. Its not controlled or created.

Indian Cricket team and FTV Ban

2007-03-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

A society which does not have or want adults with the maturity/spirit/drive to be able to watch semi-naked bodies, with a clean mind, cannot win World Cups and big matches.

There.... I have expressed my views on the recent loss of the Indian cricket team and the ban on FTV.

Oooh! The water so cool.

2007-03-19T05:20:00.000-07:00

Work seems to continue, but nowadays I get these little nice breaks. Like earlier I ended up in Langkawi and last week I was on a cruise from Mumbai to Lakshwadweep, an island in the South of India - absolutely beautiful. We took the superstar libra cruise from Mumbai. This is a Malaysian-owned cruise running to L'dweep and also Goa. I think it continues this route upto June, this year.

I never been in the ocean before and never in a ship, so this trip was already ready to provide me an experience - whatever. When I began to enter the port, my head had visions from the movies - lots of tourists, foreigners in bikinis and elderly couple. Well, as I entered the first thing I saw were these 100 kids from some up-market school! Nice kids, but they destroyed my fantasy. But for not long.
On the ship, while much of the crowd was the excited elder couples and the whispering newly married ( who seemed to be sleeping in their ornaments) we had for our pleasure - a run of the Gladrags Model hunt. A group of girls and guys, who probably are finalists in this hunt were all over the place. shooting, posing, stripping, getting wet. Unfortunately, neither the girls or the guys were my type! Lolz. How to explain to my friends, who were facing a breathing problem each time the models passed by?

Anyways, the ship is a big professional experience. There are many restaurants, which were well used by the guests. There is a Casino and of course the bars all over. However, the disc was empty almost always... to the point that the DJ would not do anything but keeping sorting his DVDs. Asking him anything was a waste of time.

The ship is 12 years old but kept absolutely fresh and new. The crew is from all over South East Asia and Nepal and a few Indians who I suspect were from Malaysia or Singapore. I found them either very lost and cold or very friendly. Two extremes.

Eventually, I found my favorite haunt in the bar at the Casino where the people at the bar were the friendlest and fun. This is the first time I checked out shooters. I do not drink much, but on these two nights I had a string of shooters - B52, Russian Challenge, Brain Damage, Tequila and names I cannot remember!

The cruise is full of live events - fashion shows, a very good live band, cabaret and more. But frankly I rather be where I can talk to people.

The journey was realy smooth. Not much rocking around and the waters quite calm. But else there was not much to see around but water and water and the splash the Ship made while cutting through. And of course the sunset. But guess, its not easy to spot a dolphin or a shark. I saw not one... Guess they do not pass this route or what?

When we arrived at Lakshwadweep it was awesome. I saw 3 different colours of water, crystal clear. We were at one of the many islands that make up the L'dweep islands. On the island were various activities - kayaking, snorkeling, diving, glass boat and more. And of course the village drive. Frankly the set up at the island is rather poor. The island is inhabited by malayalis and I think most of them are muslim. The village is quite crowded (for my view of an island) and goats all over and its not what one typically associates with an island deep in the ocean. It of course is better than Bangalore city where there is hardly any space and all traffic. But its just my little fantasy of 'exotic islands' don't match! But then who am I to decide other's lifestyle? However, keep your focus on the beauty around the island and its just fantastic. The colours of the fish in the waters and a range of other sea beings is just too much for a first-timer like me.

Whatever, the ship is a real professional & eventful experience and a very well done job. Its surelyworth the experience.

I made many friends in the bar there. Not that I am going to meet them anymore, but its just a good feeling.

Silencing the machine...

2007-03-01T08:27:00.000-08:00

Oh, I have been quite out of circulation.

Thats how I feel about myself these days. Last 2 months have been one helluva lot of work. Just when I thought I saw myself as busy as possible it got even worse.

I have completed 6 reasonably large events in 20 days and not to talk of all the plannning and co-ordination that goes on before that.

I think I must have reached the peak of stress on one particular day, when the material I expected came all mixed up. I had a window of 4 hours to get things up and I never felt so helpless, sleepless ever before. Never did I ever find such unexpected energy & creativity before. All went fine finally!

Normally, I aim to do work like there is nothing to it. But this time it was hard. Well, the good thing about all this is that you suddenly realise nothing is ever such a big deal in life. The fun is in what we do about the given situation and not the situation itself. Well... that was a bit obtuse philosophy?

One little good part of the whole period was that I got a short break and visited Langkawi in Malaysia, which is beautiful, but frankly nothing if you are not a person into beaches and water sports. For me it only works if I can connect with local people - and unfortunately I never got a chance - especially when travelling with a group, which is always is a pain for me. To be blunt, travelling with a group - it seemed to me I had never left India.

Anyways, all this pace is now over... for the meantime. The problem is to slow down my mind and get used to relaxing. After all the heightened state of mind... its hard to silence the machine.

Mr. Pandher - At the extreme edge of our society?

2007-01-10T09:13:00.000-08:00

You may have heard about the serial killing in North India, in a place called Noida. Two men, one rich, the other, his servant, who killed children and abused them - 30 or more of them. And there are more nauseating details on the net about all this which I will not go into.

If you think about the children, it just leaves one in horror. And many of us probably have tried to think about this again and again, and not closed the loop of logic in our heads.

But now, I am going to take my focus off these two people.

For long, when terrorist killed innocent people. When a policeman or someone else in power raped someone. Or even when I saw a policeman slapping a cyclist or a driver of some shabby truck. Or even when I saw an household humilating a servant for stealing. Or even when I saw a bureaucrat admonishing an applicant with unbridled morality, threat and humilation. Or even when I see young thugs in a big city, stealing from an old person. Or even when I hear of gangs that cripple children for begging. Or even when I heard people of one community or caste speaking about the worthless lives of others ....

I have been asking myself - when is when we stop sensing the humanness in another. Or in other words start considering the other person as an object - lacking senses?

I have tried to dig deep into my deep dark sides and tried to simulate it all. Let me imagine I am all powerful and never questioned. Would I torture the life out of someone else? I have tried to dig deep into my ignorant/innocent childhood for instances where I hurt someone without sensing remorse?

I remember a few years in college when I used to philosophise " in the end, nothing really matters". We all die anyways. So, why do we not just maximise pleasure and simply pop it soon. Whats the whole idea of life anyways. Whats the big deal about being human. Why cannot we just be animals and live the life of extreme anarchy.

And then in time it struck me, that pleasure and happiness are not possible without the acceptance of that thread - called relationship & being connected. When you seek pleasure purely in the form of object, there is a void. How can I feel elated about my being if there is no one who genuinely by heart appreciates it? This seems to apply both to simple connecting with another - as a colleague, passerby, friend, boss, subordinate, king, servant, rich or poor.

If we want to be any of these roles, irrespective of the other person's acceptance, and instead use force or threat or disguise - its time to stop. And negotiate with reality. This applies to relationships, realtives and the almighty force called love & sex.

Thats probably why I now understand why a Respected King by destiny, still spends so much on charity. Why a boss by designation must still plan his subordinate's even better future.

So, why do people still choose threat, force, disguise to achieve such roles still?

Typically, we grow with and through an experience of love. And some who do not get it still make it their passion to search for it.

But guess, some of us get estranged. Move so far away, so fast that we cannot feel for our life anymore? Or maybe some gene takes us there? Or maybe we just loose it all - energy, heart, senses, esteem...

Or maybe for some of us it started as a survival tactic and then...?

Or for some, some chemicals did the job?

Or for some, the society sanctioned it?

I do not know what was Mr. Pandher's problem but he surely took the extreme version of how some politicians, policeman, authorities, bureaucrats & terrorists treat the powerless? Like objects - like means to some noble end?

I mean, in India, and in some big cities, say like Delhi and others... we hear so many stories everyday... what do you think runs in the mind of the thug who steals from the old. Or the policeman who rapes a slum dweller/prostitute/eunuch. Or a rich man who humilates his servant as a suspect for stealing? Or when people are burnt or sliced during riots? How many degrees of humanness do they grant the other being? Or is it : 'If they are not from my family, I am not sure they feel the same as I do?'

Even though the scientific reason for these killings could be anything. I feel our society has tacitly sanctioned the way it was implemented.

And as soon as we kill these two, it may just let us forget that we may have a role to play in all this? But who will teach us how to respect another person... even when we do not connect, even when his or her upbringing seems inadequate, even when he or she speaks another language, even when he or she looks different, even when he or she is half mine or your size. When will we be able to have the strength to be benevolent and real... even when we have to shed our disguise, reveal our weaknesses, share ours strenghts, offer our time.... simply so that the other person feels connected to this world we have closed out for her or him?

I think we will, when we realise that being powerful means that someone can see you or me as a person who can help. Being rich, is about opening the path for more to follow and not monopolising the world. Being not very rich, to tell the others that there is still some road laying before we go further. Being a servant because you found someone who you is worthy of your service. Being a friend, because the world should be a warmer place.

There is no muscle, mind, position or face in the world that has any worth without someone to carry, lead, develop or relate with.

Of course, no one is perfect and we do are little games. But I think its really dangerous to think we are strong simply because we found someone worse than us?

I think we need to learn to respect each other and find the energy, heart & vision to do this in reality... everyday. So that all around us can sense the worth of being alive... whoever we are.

Mugged in Bengaluru

2006-11-01T07:59:00.000-08:00

First be informed that Bangalore from today on is Bengaluru, the original name before the British changed it to their convenience. I like the new name. It sounds better to me and sweeter. I wrote about this last year. Check the post ' I am proud to be a Bengalooru-ian'. But this milestone day also turned out as a very disheartening day for me.

I was driving home through fair amount of traffic when suddenly this guys on bike, really larger than normal, asked me to stop my car. And when I walked out to check whats the problem, I see one of them approaching me violently. The best I could do was keep my eye contact and muscles tensed, ready to protect myself. He starts by asking me if I can speak Kannada, the native language of the state. I have been in Bangalore 20 years and I can understand it, but I am still not comfortable talking it. Its a funny learning problem and nothing to do with my lack of sensitivity like many think. Before coming to Bangalore I have been all over the country, 3 years each in one place, thanks to my parents being in the army. This meant that I picked up a few regional languages, but I actually never picked up my mother tongue ( and thats not Kannada) - which I can understand but can never speak!! Its really very hard for me to explain this.

It is harder to explain this to someone approaching you with fire in his eyes. Anyways, luckily I started conversing through sentences which included 2 words each! So, whats the guys problem?

It seems somewhere earlier in the road I swerved to the left and knocked his bike over. It seems that my manouvere had his right foot nudged and he lost control and he fell over. Now, I look at my car and there is no revealing marks anywhere and I have no clue. The guy shows me swelling in his arm and sure it seems so. And then he shows me his bike and sure it has cracked glass, body and headlight.

And now the guys became more aggresive and angry and I tried to cool them down, but each attempt got them even further angered. I looked around and the people were either zipping past or were at a dis-interested distance.

The guy wanted me to give him money for the damage. He estimated that it would be Rs. 4k and if I liked we could go to a showroom to check.

The problem was not the money. If it was my fault I would gladly help, but I had no clue what happened!

Anyways, there were two problems about which I cannot depict the intensity in words. One was that the guys were really really agressive and the way they had potrayed the matter no bystander was going to support me. Actually, stupid me was rather proud to stand up to them singlehandedly. I thought of calling the traffic police, but frankly I have little hope in their fairness. The second problem was that I had an urgent meeting in place and I was getting really tired of all this.

I deliberated if I should argue with these guys - huge, angry and hurt? And I decided better not to.

Eventually, with a bit of bargain I paid up and left.

This has left a very lousy taste in mind all through and really hurt my ego. Wish I had fought it out even if I was going to get hurt.

The problem is that I think these guys purely faked the entire scene and fooled me into thinking it was my mistake.

Now, I got hold of their vehicle registration and I can easily contact the police top guys. But I am wondering whether I should or not? Or will that just confuse matters further? Police business is no straight forward stuff mostly.

Anyways, for records, maybe I have the position of being the first person to get mugged since Bangalore was renamed Bengaluru?

Some consolation?

So, what can I say to you?

2006-10-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

This is something I wrote, when I ended up liking someone last night in a restaurant. My friends ask me to go ahead and say something. But as always, I am just too shy or fantasical... So, instead I wrote this poem the paper napkin. My friends asked me not to throw it, so I guess I can blog it?

So, what can I say to you?

That, you start...

from where my words stop,

from where my eyes blur,

from where my mind closes

& the heart fills up.

How do I tell that its the desire for your warm hand,

that has stopped me cold?

So .... There it is! Sadly the person is never going to read it. So, it most likely may be...

Re-connected !

2006-10-23T03:25:00.000-07:00

Its been a rather long time since I have entered this virtual space. This has somewhat to do with my travelling, but more to do with the my new home. Once I moved I lost my net connection. I tried to use a Reliance mobile card, but that was frustratingly slow unless I kept awake after midnight. And then I applied for the Bangalore Telecom (BSNL) broadband connection. And today I finally found peace.

Unlike the private companies in India BSNL does not make tall claims and neither they have the super-modern executives with well scripted sales pitches. These are just down to earth people. They simply seem to offer what they promise! The private guys from Reliance for instance have so many ads beating down my head and unless I am their shareholder I doubt I would ever be able to consume or take satisfaction in their messages.

On the other hand BSNL told me their limitations right in the beggining. And finally when I was sitting in their office to collect my modem and ISP password there was this sweet lady - fat, homely and kind. She made the work order as if you was cooking a nice meal for me. And she did it perfect! In 20 minutes flat she had provided me the hardware, software and advise without making a big deal of it.

And when I came home and plugged in the modem and my laptop, the connection worked at ligthing speed!! When I took Reliance card earlier, I spent 8 days waiting for the person to verify my home address and another 6 begging them to activate it and even then they just took me round and round through their automated systems and 'decenteralised' call executives until the modem/phone was activated.

With BSNL, 20 minutes after I connected I got a phone call and the same lady confirmed my connection and I was up and running!

Suddenly, it strikes me how much peaceful it is to have the 'public sector companies' serving us. They do it so much more peacefully and without making you feel like a fool. And unlike earlier days no one mentioned or hinted on the need to bribe.

I recommend BSNL, for now. Its much more peaceful dealing with them it seems and it really cuts out the noise from the other super-companies who are in your face all day long but never seem to reach your home!

And the speed I get is awesome. After operating via a dial-up (from home) this is heaven!

About Traffic & Ear Jams.

2006-09-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

Amazing how the local administration allows such hoardings ( a glow sign mounted on a light motor vehicle) in peak traffic? In peak hours, Bangalore is one big traffic jam. To see this hoarding occupying the road at such a time is such a shame. However, for those selling this product, it is probably the most apt time of the day?

Anyways, its taking a little time getting used to my new home, new roads and new neighbours. With all the work at office and travelling, I really have'nt had much time to settle down. I still have boxes unpacked. Furniture lying in my friend's place. And fittings waiting to be fixed. And now I travel again coming week, travelling abroad! So, I have postponed everything for another 10 days - when I re-start my romance with my new flat.

But still its a nice feeling to have one's own place. The only thing which irks me is the morning 'namaaz' that blares through some power speakers. I am not sure where the mosque is, but the sound is big and every morning at 0500 a.m. it almost always creeps through my windows... and I dig my head deep into my pillows... LOLz. I do not mean to offend anyone, but the sound is just too shrill to bear, unless one has a functional need for it?

I have found one make shift solution... I programmed my music system to switch on at the same time which kind of muffles the sound but still lets my sleeping rythmn intact! At least its working for now...

Independence day x 2

2006-08-15T05:33:00.001-07:00

Today is Independence day for me, for two reasons.

First, because its the day when India got its independence in 1947.

Second, because today I shifted to my own new flat!

I am still not fully adjusted. Lot of little jobs to still get over with, but well I have a place of my own now. It took me 3 full days and evenings and one full night of shifting from one end of town to the other. But its done for this week of work.

I am quite amazed how much little stuff friends have gifted me. They even came and arranged a mini-pooja for an auspicious start.

More about this later. Now, I am really tired and sleepy.

Ban, Ban... you're done.

2006-08-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

Another little ban or block, culture preservation or moral policing ... whatver you think it is, depending upon the culture you carry or do not carry on your little sad shoulders?

Mumbai police closes down an art gallery exhibiting 'erotic' paintings.

You know what I think. I think these people who make these decisions see all this through their own lives and its lusts. This is not about me or you . Its about them and their lives and what they did with it.

We are being done, 'for the crimes they committed or wanted to'. As for me, the crimes I committed, I pay myself, never passing it on.

Anyways, enough philosophising. Go to this blog site I just happened to hit upon : Indian artnews Its well explained what happened.

Actually, while I was disheartened at this moral policing, my mind would not stop getting humorous.

Its a psychatirist who complained to the police. They happen to have snapped her in true form!

The police started by asking the artists to cover the paintings with cloth. I thought that was a very creative way to display?

They also videographed the paintings. And I wonder if that would not do some rounds in the barracks?

Oops! Did I hurt you?

2006-08-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

The Israeli- Hezbollah conflict which is kind of devastated Lebanon has got my minds whirring non-stop. Not really in terms of the middle-east, but in terms of terrorists in general and there claimed role as the fighters for a community.

Right now, all around the world no one has found a good answer to the terrorist. Frankly, whatever happens, the terrorist seems to be winning. It just seems to be one ruthless but damn good strategy they have devised?

Considering that in India, we hate the cancer of terrorism, I keep thinking that I should not damn Israel - because if I do, then the terrorist have gained an upper hand. Now, when I think of this again, it strikes me that this is exactly what plagues the mulsim world or anyother world under such a sway. They probably feel that if they come out and openly denounce the terrorists they may also be giving an upper hand to those they feel doing 'injustice' to them. So, while both sides watch innocents die, we all keep quiet - because we cannot allow the enemy get a victory - however short term. So people continue to die.

Bu then I think again about the terrorist who claims he or she is fighting for justice.

And I ask - are you the only one who has faced injustice? The world is full of hurt people. Some of them build energy, become practical and rise out of their situation without a trigger pulled. Some do not. But not everyone is trigger happy?

And I think - if you were so hurt, why is that you narrow down your sense of injustice only with those who belong to one community. Why not partner with anyone who faces injustice. And these people might as well be among your enemy camp - just like you!!!

I mean if tommorow I see injustice done to me in India, I will be among the majority. If I was selfish and just kept watching my own wounds I could make my fight perverse. Ready to hurt those who hurt and those who also get hurt. On the other hand if I join hands with every one else in India who has faced injustice, I probably will have 80% of India on my side!!

But people do not seem to see this, this way. Its still a feudal world - in the name of God, parents and relatives? When they are hurt, they withdraw with a strong statement ' I am not OK. but everyone is. And everyone must die, except the one who feels the most - and who can feel more but me. Me, the one with so much pain?'

But then also, I think, when people start making cliques around their cause instead of coming together as human, I wonder if they are fighting for justice or are they fighting for power?

I also think that its crazy to fight for someone 1000km away, when one cannot respect and care for the neighbour. I mean you ignore a human near you, for the sake of a masked face miles away?

I think the big mistake that everyone who fights is making, is that they are fighting for power. Instead their end objective should be to be loved and to be able to love. That cannot hurt anyone's self esteem. Could it?

Anyways, what I say above is merely kind words. And the stories I hear on TV about Doctors cutting limbs for money; teachers taking bribes; terrorists planning to kill more soft people it kind of makes one cynical.

Unless some visionary leader can sway the world to come together, the only final ending seems to me is when every citizen of every country will be considered a soldier. And then - death and birth will no longer matter.

When we all are deemed soldiers, that will surely make the idea of terrorism defunct. And we will fight once again, the traditional way - as armies. Maybe thats the way out. After all, whats a soldier but a human being?

The only sad thing would be that their would be no more 'innnocent people' in the world anymore.

To kill? Or die for?

India blocks Blogs. But leaves the mind to wander.

2006-07-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

There is probably no better news for companies such as blogger if they are seeking greater participation from Indians! India has blocked blogs. ( or is it better to say Government of India?' or the Indian ISPs? There is confusion about this). Its already an old news and 1000s of blogs covering it. The government wants to block some anti-national blogs and in the process blanked out all blog sites!! Supposed to be a technical error. They say they did not mean to block all blogs, but only specific sites. but the fact is that the blogs are still blocked. Such an error in an 'IT savvy nation'? Sounds odd to me...

So, why do I say its good news for companies like Blogger? Let me tell you there is a good side to this! When this censorship is removed, I promise you the number of Indians who are going to start blogging is going to double. Till day-before more than 50% guys and girls in my office did not know what blogging was all about!! Now, they do.

For the rest 50% who did know about blogging most were not too involved. At least, they did not know that there may exist a few blogs that are about hate, dirty words, anger, communalism - what fun! Now, more and more bloggers will seek such blogs, visit them, leave their own footprints-of-hate behind, ready to come back another day - with more hate. The TV with all its sensation these days may well loose many of its viewers! Now, they know a more exciting place.

Now, hearing this news of censorship more and more foreigners will get involved into Indian problems. Right now, when blogs are blocked out I am sure everyone is busy finding out those sites which have been blocked. Maybe these curious people do not find these particular sites, but surely they are going to find a few other less extreme but neverthless anti-national blogs? Personally, I think the extreme sites are less liable to convert the faithful. Its the subtle sites which are more dangerous. Thats the catch 22 in life and thats well... bad news.

The good news is that bloggers from India are up-in-arms. Just do a blog search for 'blogs india' and you will find all the news and ways to bypass this bans.

All said, this is not as bad is being in a bomb blast. Neither its as bad being in the Tsunami or a earthquake. Its simple a case of mental freedom. Too elitist a request from my hard working, faithful government servants

I mean, I really feel shy complaining to the hard-working government servants about my little problem. I mean what do I expect them to say to me if I asked them if they knew that I exist - among the 1 billion people of the country.

I mean, they are really trying to protect the country, no? The only problem is that I am not certain, if I am included...

You, the faithless.

2006-07-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

Mumbai Blasts. After the blasts that killed close to 150 people upto now. Residents of Mumbai serving shocked passerbys and stranded people with food and water and other support. The spirit will not die!

So, you, the 'so-called terrorists' did it again.
Killing unknown people by will, personally with your own hands.
All I like to tell you guys is that death does not do us in.
Neither do I still hate another human.
All I know is,
you have a long way to evolve,
and the way you guys are working,
your learning process is going to be hard and painful.
And learn you will and so will yours,
for your 'God', which for sure is neither Allah,Ram or any almighty, is certainly dead - no wonder you think you need to take control of other people's lifes?
You. Faithless & faceless.

Should the world be one?

2006-07-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

Sabrimala Sree Ayyappa

Picture picked from http://www.cyberkerala.com/sabarimala/ayyappa.htm

Sometime ago the Princess of Thailand was refused entry to the Jaganath Temple in Puri, Orissa. There were local protests by some and later all was forgotten. I for one, do not agree with the temple rules as such. The princess is said to be a devout reader of the vedas and a follower and why should someone refuse her the right to seek blessing of the God? Only a born hindu, by race can enter the temple it seems. Not those who have faith necessarily. That I think is not fitting.

So, while I think as above why is that I support the Lord Ayyappa's Sabarimala Temple rules to disallow ladies from the age of 10 to 50?

Well, I am no expert in religion, neither on how it has evolved. I also am noone to judge the condition of women in Hinduism or some of them, as I am not a women facing the situation. I must have to listen to them to know.

So, whats the difference between the Lord Jaganath temple story and the Sabarimala's Lord Ayyappa temple?

The former is a God whose story is related to all human beings and hence I beleieve every one has the right to seek his union. But Lord Ayyappa story, specifically with regard to Sabarimala temple is about celibacy and different. The story is a bout a teenage God, who was born of two male Gods - Lord Vishnu & Lord Shiva - when the formed changed form into a beautiful woman.

Now the temple's story is that the Lord Ayyappa should not connect with a woman because he has taken an oath of celibacy. So, woman between 10 and 50 are not allowed at Sabrimala where Lord Ayyappa's idol is located. That's it. Like someone abstaining.

My point is that this story is one degree of Hinduism. From among 100s of temples all over, this is one has this particular story. And that is the beauty. Now, some few 'women think they should be allowed to access this temple in the name of feminism.

But why? This particular temple's story is defunct if a female enters. Its a catch 22 situation.

Would I insist in entering a temple which was women only, because a Goddess was supposed to have taken a vow of celibacy and it was thought that she should not meet an adult man? No. I would not. I would leave the story and the faith/imagination intact. Because.... that one story and stream of events does not define Hinduism. Its a 1000 streams and that is the beauty - pulled together.

Of course, if someone points to me in general how women have been insulted in Hinduism I am ready to listen and agree. But trying to target Lord Ayyappa's temple solves none of these issues, according to me.

Anyways, this is what I have concluded and I am not the last word in life or religion. So, I will let the wiser people to defend or destroy whatever.

What however hurt me more was a recent chat show on India's leading English News Channel - NDTV.

There were these two 'modern' ladies who were logically tuned to spirituality - yes, very forward thinking. And then there was this young guy who was a follower of Lord Ayyappa and I think from a priest family. Unlike what the audience felt in the show, I found him much more broadminded, patient and easy person. The so called modern ladies, one of them a senior editor from a leading newspapers were rude, sarcastic, insulting, insensitive and without respect for those with different view points. The way they used the name 'Ayyappa' was the first sign of dissrespect. And people clapped. I guess this was an ignorant audience even though Hindu - with little regional sensitivity. No one would dare do that if it was another region. One of the ladies also sought to understand ' What is the whole idea of Lord Ayyappa? Its 800 years and he is a celibate and still averse to women?" Claps!!!

Even a person like Swami Agnivesh, who is a big reformist did little to aceept the difference between Lord Jaganath temple's incident and the Sabrimala incident. Fair enough. But, I felt he used more of his authority to win the discussion of the young guy than benevolence - which I thought should really be the epitome of a Swami.

The young guy did a tactical mistake in the discussion. He tried to say that many a Hindu history has been removed from context and painted ugly. Such as Sati - where a women follows her husband's dead body by jumping into the fire. He said that only 1% women did so and did it out of sheer love for the husband and some others followed the example thereon. But it was not forced upon them as people think and as some began to practise later. Well, he could be right or wrong - I do not know. But I am sure he was not propogating the practise. He was just stretching his imagination and in a kind manner - whatever he said - I could feel so. But the Swami shut him up by telling him that he is commiting a crime by discussing a matter banned by the Indian constitution. Now, true Sati is an ugly phenomenon forced in some parts of the country as I hear in the news. But why cannot people stretch their thoughts and speak? And a Swami asking a young person to shut up does not sound like a postive influence to me...

Now, you ask me if I am a believer in Lord Ayyappa. No, I maybe not. But I am a believer in human emotions, senses, imagination and faith. I do not beleive in religioous practises when it insults human beings whether it is Hinduism or any of the other. But I really love Hinduism's ability to give expression to so many emotions, thoughts, worldviews.

By targetting Lord Ayyappa's story (specifically with regard to Sabrimala temple) what people are trying to do is destroy this diversity. They want everyone and everything to prove their political correctness and in the end everything must look the same. And then Hinduism will not be the same, I think. People have to learn to differentiate between a specific story and the larger picture.

Women must fight it out if Hinduism does insult to them. But they have no right to destroy one set of imagination. Its easy to think that Lord Ayyappa's Sabrimala tradition is to insult women. If so, then women are insulted everytime a Monk anywhere chooses to abstain from sex. But ask any Sabrimala devotee if his choice to go to Sabrimala temple is about hate for women - he will not understand your question.

Of course, there are softer issues. Why is it that its always women who must stay away from men and why not the other way. Well, why not? But again, destroying this specific temple's tradition is not going to solve this issue.

To me it seems that when people today have differing views, especially on these chats, they will never discuss in a simple tone. They must destroy the other person, else they do not win? It hardly seems like there is any benevolence in the discussion. Its so confronting. Its very easy to think that these are two different worlds discussing - in the name of creating 'one world'.

I think otherwise. I think we are different people living in a world of diversity and we must work to maintain it. We must learn to be patient and understand the differences before we demand commonality of thinking. And the last thing we should do is use authority over benevolence to convince the others - just the way the people in the chat did with the guy.

Trauma. destiny and senselessness

2006-07-09T00:42:00.000-07:00

7:30 pm and we leave our office 40km out of Bangalore city. Me and a colleague who hitched a ride in my car – on our way back home into the city. Its just getting dark, but not quite. The world cup matches are on, but I think there is none today - the July 3rd. I have been traveling all the month gone and I am eager to reach home and sack out.

15 minutes down the road and the road is kind of blocked and crowded. I slow down the car and my colleague insists we stop. So, I park the car to the edge of the road. It’s a high rise road and I put my car just a few inches away from the fall.

There is a host of villagers crowded around a lorry and as we go closer we see it’s an accident scene. Even closer and we see the Tata Indica car pushed down the side, its front completely smashed. And soon, we see 7 men & women laying on the ground some lying, some sitting - all drenched in blood.

The crowd is merely watching them. The villagers have helped the injured out of the car, but now no one knows what to do. I am not sure what we should do and then my colleague calls for an ambulance from our factory.

5 minutes flat and the ambulance arrives. Just as that happens, the otherwise quiet victims start wailing and murmuring. The trauma has begun.

One old lady is wailing and shouting non-stop. One young man is lying flat on the ground. One old man is all blood on his body. Another old man has a huge gash where his eye should be. Two younger guys seem relatively ok, but still full of blood and fine glass. One old lady is peacefully sleeping it seems to me. She has an injury on her head but very intact otherwise. They are all from a single family except for the driver who is lying down.

The ambulance can take in only 2 people lying down and two sitting. But we have 7. We try asking some cars passing by to stop, but suddenly everyone is going somewhere else but the direction of the hospital. I do not feel angry at them. This is India. There are the police, the doctors, the common man, the rich man and innocent victims. To be good is not easy- the system does not let you. Neither for me.

So, we literally stuff 6 of the victims into the ambulance and 1 into my car. The ambulance is much faster than my car and I suddenly cannot find the hospital. My nose is drenched with the smell of blood and I am getting dizzy. The last time I went to a blood bank I almost lost it. And now, I am busy trying to keep the steering. We finally find the town General Hospital. Quiet place. No big lights. As we enter there is only one doctor, 2 nurses and a compounder. The building is big and I wonder where the rest of the staff.

As we take the injured guy from my car in, now spitting blood non-stop, I see that off the other 6 victims - 3 are laying flat motion less. The doctor seemed rather unsure. "Take them to Nimhans (the head injury hospital)" he says. And my heart takes a fall. That is more than an hour away!!'

I am sorry but 4 of them have head injuries and I cannot help them'.

Now, my friend is running up and down from victim to victim, as if he is the doctor. And I ask the doctor, “But do you not have to administer some medicines and treatment?" They are going to travel a long way?

The nurse and the doctor begin injecting the victims and treat some of the wounds. And then kind of tells us to carry on. We have to remind him there is another victim in the other room and then he rushes with us and administers some treatment and drip. And then again he stops and looks at us. I look at the guy I carried in my car and I see that now he is dripping much more blood from his mouth.

“Should you not drip him? He is loosing blood!" And the doctor looks at the victim and me and then says 'Ok'.

I am quite amazed. Dripping is something I see on TV. The doctor should be more into it. No? I actually feel sorry for him. He must be seeing such incidents everyday and has no resource provided to him. Must be frustrating or what... ?

Suddenly one of the two young guys approaches me. He must be 15-16. And keeps calling me 'Anna, Anna'. Anna means brother. I look at him and I am not sure what to say. He says something and I think he said, 'Anna, it’s my fault.' I look back and say, 'No, it’s not your fault. Do not think like that'. He is really broken. I call my colleague to talk to him and he starts begging my colleague, “please save my brother". I do not know why he specifically says that, but then I see his brother dripping blood from his mouth, but he will survive it seems to me.

Now, we have a problem. Three of the victims are flat out on the ground and no way can we fit them all in the small ambulance.

“listen we need another ambulance I think. Our ambulance will not be enough. Please provide your hospital ambulance too." I tell the doctor.

“No. We do not have one ambulance. The one we have is under repair for a month." he mentions. “Any repair over Rs.500 needs to get approved and that takes time".

I cannot believe what he says. “Ok. Lets get a big taxi and one of your guys can accompany the injured. We will pay." I say.

"Sorry, we are very few and cannot leave".

"What about getting a policeman. He can accompany. No?"He answers nothing.

My colleague tells me, "let’s take them in your car"

I am worried. What if they collapse on the way? How do I explain the police? But I see my colleagues concern and I do not want to give up and say ok.

As we move the injured to my car, a police vehicle comes in and I immediately approach him. Listen there are 4 victims who need an ambulance! 3 have been sent already.Even before I can talk further. He replies, 'Ok. I send you one in 5 minutes. And vanishes"

We have no idea if he is going to actually send an ambulance or not. And I am started feeling bad and nauseated. The blood is getting one me and I need to smoke suddenly.

Now, the doctor, me and my colleague are watching each other. No one saying a thing. My colleague asks me, 'Should we not move in your car? The police is never going to come back"

I wonder. The ambulance will move at least twice as fast as me. But if it only comes.

And then we notice that the old lady lying flat is no longer breathing. The doctor confirms she has passed away. One person less to move.

And then the ambulance arrives. 10 minutes against the 5 promised. Good. The police man actually did his job and was not escaping from the scene.. good.

And we put everyone remaining in. And drive on.

Earlier, I had imagined that we will take the victims to the hospital and that would be it. But now, something has changed. We are almost like owners to the situation. And I and my colleague follow the ambulance to the 'Head injury' hospital inside the city.

It’s good the ambulance came. For it takes us almost 90 minutes to reach there. The ambulance reached much faster. As I drove my colleague kept calling the numbers on the mobile he found in the accident car. It so happens that these people are from his native place, so language is no problem.

As we reach the hospital, I am burdened in my head with the enormity of pain all around. We walk in to check on our group and see them all sprawled around. This hospital is equipped and systematic, even though haphazard.

‘There are 3 serious head injuries and one chest injury.' the doctor tells us. ‘The ones without a head injury must go to another hospital. The one with head injury stay here. The one with chest injury must leave for the chest hospital nearby.

Just as he says that I see the old man with a gash on his eye and head begins aggresively removing his bandages and then pulling out the drip. He is trying to escape a nightmare? The nurses rush to stop him from his decision. Its quite hard to see it happening and I try to see elsewehere.

'Suddenly, word is around that the driver, with a head injury, is in deep trouble. And I watch him gasping from breath even as he is on a respirator, drip and other stuff. He is dying I think. And I feel the saddest for him. Because he never opened his eyes since we found this group. I feel maybe if I touch him, it may help him. But people will wonder if I am crazy. So, I leave the person there.

This is the driver and not part of the family. And his parents come and begin talking to my colleague. “Sir, please tell me who is the doctor. I will pay me extra so he can save my son's life." My colleague says please, "the doctors are already attending him". Frankly, with so much happening around, its hard to decide if a little extra focus may or may not help. I am not a doctor. But he is a parent. Its awful.

I take up the job of moving the person with chest injury. And take him into an ambulance and follow it.

As we reach the hospital, the lady doctor begins to ask me his name and other details. And I say I do not know. She says, so who you are? I explain her what happened and she comments, “Oh! You are doing social work." And I do not know what to say to that.

She gets me to register the person before he can be treated. The guy on the registration computer types with one finger and is so very slow. It must have taken him 15 minutes before he finishes.

Finally, the old man with the chest injury is sent in. He is wailing non-stop and I suddenly realize that I am unable to feel his pain! And I am getting worried about myself.

As I walk out one Muslim lady lying on one of the hospital bed starts asking me about the accident. She does not stop showing her concern, just as everyone around me in the various beds is keenly listening to the story. All of them are hospitalized patients but they speak like they have never seen such disaster. They are so sensitive!!!

And I am real worried about myself. I am not feeling any pain or concern... just doing what has to be done!!!

My colleague arrives in the other ambulance with the 2 guys without head injuries. It seems the relatives have arrived. They are some 7 of them and I found its only one guy who is closely related. he is the son of the lady who died in the small town hospital.

We now shift them to another hospital. As I enter this hospital I notice it’s more crowded. People and families are huddled together in the reception. There is too much darkness and tragedy around. And there are two big TVs and you know what they are playing? WWWF wresting!!! I laugh at this dark humor. Of course, no one else but me notices this... there is too much pain around. But God, what’s happened to me. I am so numb. I cannot feel any pain!!!

The relatives of the family are all running around. My colleague does a good job as they have a common language. Two people have died. And he keeps reminding them 'there is God'. I wonder and am just quiet.

Things kind of just keep moving forward and a lot happens and its now around 2 in the early morning. Now, the entire tragedy has been transferred to the family and for a moment feels a little sad. The son keeps asking us how it all happened. If we know the number plate of the lorry. etc. Its hard to forget his face. He lost his mother and his father has most likely lost his eye.

We left.

Yesterday, my colleague called me. The old man with a chest injury has also passed away. So that's only 4 left out of the 7. All of them were driving to a pilgrimage. They had just bought a new car - just 2 days ago it seems. The young ones were taking there elders to the pilgrimage in Tirupathi. And then this happened.

I am real sorry for all this. God. Death. Pain. Trauma, love. relatives, doctors, ambulances, police, distances, parents, sons and daughters, strangers, passer-bys? I am just so numb.

A Thailand - in a pack.

2006-06-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

Pattaya, just 1 degree of Thailand

In March this year I was in Pattaya - first time I went along as part of an organised tour to Thailand, with a bus full of people. Frankly, I never wanted to, but since it would not cost me any money and I had a functional role, it was hard to shy out. This would be the first time in my 7 trips to Thailand that I would go in such a manner. In the end of the tour I felt there was not much to write home, but as I go through the pictures of the time - I think I can build one!!

The plane landed early early morning in Bangkok and all of us who smoked went straight for those tobacoo corners. This was the first time I had a proper visa in my passport, otherwise full of triangular 'thai visa on arrival" ink stamps. I always hated people travelling in groups, but here I was doing the same.

" This is a big airport" said one guy. " You know tourism is what fuels Thailand", said another. And so, a big anamoly about a nation which should be just like us otherwise, was solved in a second!

For some reason I was curious who would be our guides on the road to Pattaya and soon realised that it would be local Indians from some travel company run by Indian-origin people in Thailand. And that meant they were bent upon making things feel as much as home - especially with food! We even went started by having breakfast in a Punjabi restaurant, playing punjabi music. Nothing wrong with that as such, but what a bore... for, we are supposed to have arrived in Thailand for 7 hours and I could hardly feel so!!!!

Well, one of the guide was a Thai lady alright who did not mix up words describing her past & broken life with a German man who she had to leave and come back to Thailand. Making my work harder about what Thailand means to me... uurrrgh.

Well, soon I found that the lady was not going to make my life any easier. She spent a lot of time explaining the night life and the dangers of lady-boys. & About more night life, & more dangers etc. But not a word about Thai culture, its depth etc. Just exactly what lay in the minds of my colleagues or within their legs!!!

'watch out for the lady boys at the night here', the guide says. 'What, will they eat people?' I wonder.

Its not that I do not fancy night life and all that goes with it. But I think, even if I am facing someone who is gearing to steal my entire wealth, I still sense the human in them, while being able to protect myself. But I fear that none of my colleagues have any patience for anyone - even for those who may benevolently smile at them - especially after all that the lady had excited in them.

The only thought in their mind - how am I going to find out its a boy or a girl!

Well, not everyone in the group is so. But its hard to discern so in a group behaviour?

Anyways, the 3 days in Pattaya were at the least - clustrophobic for me. I went to the International meeting point and it was not at all my kind of place. I am very ok with night life, bars and even the dance shows. No problem. Its just that this street is just too loud in a non-stop manner. One cannot just sit back and re-load ones mind anywhere. Even though once settled down in a place I like, I can dance all night. But not here...

The street while people are busy reloading their guns?

Anyways, while doing sober & serious things in the day (which I am not going to describe here), the nights were spent by people to .... I don't know what! Everyone would just go round and round. I asked my friend, " Listen if you want to do it, just do it and lets get over it. If you want to flirt, talk to someone and let's get over it. But lets stop going round and round please...."

Thats how the street felt to me those nights. Lolz...

In the first day, every one came back to bed with a foot massage. Warmed up and still morally intact? Lolz!

The guy sleeping in my room ( and a couple of others) was the sanest I think. He used to come late. He would speak the least. He would seem very satisfied. The rest seemed restless, debating, deciding, un-deciding till wee hours.

The funniest thing happened on the second night. The guides under pressure to guide, decided to take the entire group to a performance. Those who were shy of such things could shop as an alternative. So, we hired two buses. As one should guess, one bus never moved out!!

So, we all entered a special building with pics of dancing girls outside and I realised they were foreigners... I think from Russia. We had to deposit our mobiles with cameras outside and everyone entered...

As we entered I saw these topless girls gyrating with this guy in just shorts and the guy was dark and Indian. That was surprising, I wondered? In Thailand. Anyways, maybe its a kinky thing they do here for some audience maybe - because typically its only white people and thai people on the floor.

After 5 minutes, my friend with me mentioned - "say that guy looks like Ravi?" "No", I answered immediately, watching the guy now in just his undies, all wet, with the lathering soap the girls were rubbing all over his body. And then there hands were going all over inside... "No way it can be him.. what a funny thought"

after a few minutes, it was just too hard for our minds to ignore that this guy just looked too much like one of our group!! And then it struck us... it was him!!!

The whole group was jealous like hell and morally up!!! Well, this was real funny, especially when the show was over our friend got up and bowed at the entire audience like a professional.

However cheap, I was all admiration for this guys abilities and guts.... LOLz.

Anyways, the last night was a private but less revealing dance show organised for all in the hotel grounds. And it was amazing seeing all the sozzled guys dancing with the girls. I got some photographs that I can blackmail them with... with their wifes...forever. Lolz again. Faces staring non-stop into the girls top. Faces of anticipation at a girl who was trying to avoid the guy. They are real funny and downright cheap!!! That night it did not matter to anyone if I told that half of the dancers were actually ladyboys... they had graduated beyond that issue!!!

Althrough this time, everyone was curious, " So where do you go when you come to Thailand?" "Nowhere you would" I would respond honestly.

One of the nights after dinner one of my friends who works near Pattaya, in an industrial town, came to meet me in his flashy SUV. And I had a real hard time leaving the others. They just would not accept that I was not going to someplace that was special and I was hiding from them!!!

Considering that we have nothing like Pattaya in India ( We have, but not something these guys will ever notice... its amazing how the mind or society works) I actually kind of came to accept that I should not accept any other interest from the group, during the nights, but this. After all its just 3 days for them, in an otherwise 99% family life.

Its amazing how people never noticed the number of similarities of Thailand to back home.

Or is it? Watching their strong and pressing drive, I really wonder how we manage to be so sober in our own country for so long? Or do they? Maybe I do not know.

At night, do it another country. Your own country will approve!

Not me, though. I live a slightly different world... for whatever reason. I am the same everywhere, I think, a little bit of this... a little bit of that... in India... in Thailand. I am no prude, I have been everywhere sure. But will always look into the eyes of the people I have ever met, anytime, anywhere.

All's quiet but the minds whirring ...

2006-05-21T03:22:00.000-07:00

The mind, like a fan inside a calm hut. Just keeps running...

Its been a long time since I posted anything and I am afraid I must have lost my readers - the few I may have had...

Guess I am a person addicted to rhythm I think. Last 3 months were busy like hell. Well, I am almost always busy. But it’s bad when I have to travel a lot - that is what breaks my rhythm. When I am back home it just too hard for me to continue life as it was. A month's intensive traveling means a month or two of getting back to home life!!! It’s like I have to either cool down or warm up.

Anyways, after weeks of blankness, something strong struck my mind. And the thought got generated by some foreign colleagues who I read off in the Thai blog and who are so protective of the Thai culture. It almost sounds like they do not trust any other foreigner to do justice to the local culture, even though they are foreigners themselves. Sounds wrong. No?

But then it struck me that this is exactly the same way when I think of North (the region around Delhi) & South India. I am from North originally, (thankfully in a location closer to the Himalayas which in my opinion is gentler) have my family there, but I have spent most of my time down south and partly in west and East. Still, I do know North well, have been there enough, but my heart and learnings and everything lie in South - where I stayed most of my life.

Delhi, India Gate: From where power flows...

Whenever I travel into mainland North I hear stuff about South that is at the least ... racist and ignorance. (Not everyone is like that. But enough, to get my antenna rising. In fact in my experience one never hears such views if we travel East, West or right into the hills of North. But mainland North is another thing.) Which is exactly opposite of what I felt. In fact, in the South, there are places, people and ways of life that I cherish on the top of my mind. So, when I hear such bias being expressed, I just keep quiet, because I cannot see how they will ever appreciate what I say, without telling me that I have drifted away from my own culture... The problem is that the people from Mainland North think they own this country and its culture and whatever it must mean.

So, I keep all the things I like close to my heart - the excellent movies from Kerala; the fantastic non-veg dishes and their variety here including sea food; the depth of culture and understanding; my discussions with some of the most conservative & orthodox elder ladies about everything under the sun including sexuality; the various home medicinal food which my friend's parents give me which can almost cure anything; and the depth of discussions I have had with friends from across the classes and the skills I have learnt from them...No one would understand it in mainland North.

This is where happiness flows from. Fish Curry - South style.

However, up in mainland North, they think local movies are all junk and kitsch. They think the only food that is tasty is curries up there (after all, the whole world eats eat it); they believe that people down here are only hero worshippers and the temples are mere historical locations; they think the orthodox people have no depths and are out of phase with the modern life (but I know how shallow the people who think they are modern up there really are. Its just aping West. They have no clue how deep about life and universe some 'orthodox people' here really are.) ; They feel the food eaten here cannot make anyone healthy and they generally feel the people down south are well... a class lower!!

Meenakshi Temple, Madurai, Tamil Nadu. Unlike popular perceptions, I can talk almost anything under the sun to people who beleive and are considered conservative..

As far as I can see is that people up mainland North are more casteist and child like. Sometimes, I am scared when anyone comes in touch with anything that I cherish. I feel they will listen to it alright and be politically correct... but when they are away they will mock it. At best they will use all these things to their benefit without ever paying respect, being humble or being one with the people they meet.

Madurai Meenakshi Temple again.

Basically, I fear their barbaric nature - one aimed at owning things and not one that is disposed to sharing. Of course, I am generalising about either side... but thats how fear & love works. No?

So, sometimes I am really quiet and inward when someone like that is discussing my life here. Its only when I am sure the person has evolved - is honest, respecting and sensitive - do I open up... sometimes its worthwhile, but sometimes I repent after finding out that I mis-judged the person's nature.

Of course, I have many many friends from mainland North who know my life, worldviews, in an out. But then they would not me my friends if they did not fit a certain bill!

On the other hand I am much more open with foreigners about my life. For some reason I trust the ones I typically meet or talk too. So, its funny, when I find that some foreigners living in Thai, in the Thai way, do not trust their own brethren? What is that they see in their countrymen that I do not? Or what is that I see and they do not! So, if I feel they are wrong in their possessiveness, then most likely so am I about mine?

God, never lets a mind rest... especially in these global times!!!

Holi - the thanda (cool) festival

2006-03-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

Picture picked from www.hindustantimes.com

Holi is a big festival in India and really enjoyable. Its all water & colours all day long. Pretty similar to Songkran in its style.

Its a spring festival . Also the Hindu New year for many. Its also connects with the legend of the duel between King of demons - Hiranyakashipu & his son, but also the devotee of Lord Vishnu - Prahlad.

The second day is spent throwing water colors and powder colors on each other and strangers. Its especially risky to walk through those 'inside city' areas between tall buildings - you never know when a water filled baloon bangs on your head!!

Holi was the most fun when we were in Hostel. Each year, this time, a full drum of Bhang would be concocted. Bhang Thandai is a mix of Milk, Sugar, almonds, fruits, various leaves and yes... & the little but key ingredient - cannabis. (it looks so wrong describing it in English?) You can actually see a recipe of this drink at this site.

The entire hostel guys would line up and be served their Bhang drink which was gulped down deep. 2,3 - 4 glasses...

Picture picked from http://www.photoslagarde.com/

Everything is fine. No one does anything funny... until after 40 minutes or so. And all hell breaks loose.

Someone begins laughing and thats all he does on and on. Someone thinks the sky is falling. Someone just sits in a corner. Someone falls in love with every moving item around him. Imagine 100s of people, in their rooms, on the streets - students, workers ... even teachers - all so!!!

Its hard to describe how funny it can get... The entire city, elevate 500 m above sea-level.

I remember when we were kids at home, how my cousins ate the small pakodas (like cultets) not realising they were holi special and included bhang ingredients and for the adults. The next I remember the guys holding their pants in their hands on the road because they could not button them up after visiting taking a leak!!! And they were giggling. Both of them... and walking in the middle of the street. LOLz!!

A massage for the Forbidden City.

2006-03-12T01:47:00.000-08:00

Last full week I was in China! A sudden trip that took me right into Beijing. But the day before that I had just become better but the muscle or nerve somewhere in my left bum was aching a lot and I could hardly bend. And the idea of flying all this distance was scary - what if I cannot get up finally!

So, my friend told me I needed an Ayurvedic massage - the first massage I would ever get in my life! All these trips to Thailand all these years at home, never found me on the massage bed. But here I was the next morning, with an empty stomach ( as prescribed) and walked into the room. The person requested me to remove my clothes and start by sitting on the bed.

As I sat on the elevated bed, the massage person took warm oil in his hand and bent down to say a prayer. And a purposeful environment was created where I was sure I am in very good hands.

The bed I lay on is a curved one so that if I move off-centre my body slides the right or left edge. And as the massage progresses and the oil all over you, it really needs work to remain in the centre! Especially, when he picks up speed in rubbing the oil across your body sides.

An array of oils were used. And then he asked me as to where was it was hurting me. I located the spot expecting him to put some pressure there or do some special bending exercises with my legs - but all he did was rub the oil and massage it across the length of my body with the point in the centre. He explained that in their system they will not apply pressures or muscle pressing tactics to releive pain. instead they work on the system to unweild itself - that way no secondary damage takes place while revealing the current pain. And that I must come back again to complete the course.

I felt quite invigorated as the massage was over. And I went home and rested as requested. Next morning when I woke up the pain was so deep and hurting that I could not get up!! I almost crawled to the toilet!! But within the next 30 minutes everything was over and - no pain at all!!!

In the evening, I was flying to China.

Now, every Indian in the past compared itself with China. One to one we like to believe we are smarter. Just the way Britishers thought when they first came to Asia? But if you see Chinese cities today, India is miles and miles behind. We can hardly compare.

Typical Chinese Symbols. I purposely took this pic. But China does not feel like this. Its nice place.

But I felt very much at home there. People were nice. And it saddened that our countries have mistrusted each other in the past. There are so many chinese living in India and I think culturally we are very similar, but do not know.

Unfortunately, the trip was packed with official schedule so I hardly soaked in anything. I visited the local market with fake brands alongwith a colleague from Korea. I hate shopping and she never bargained in her life. So, we were two naive people, but then we were pre-warned and breifed. So, we went in with a plan and a brave face. She and me began bargaining on a piece of sunglasses with the shopkeeper. It started at 500 RNB and I said 50RNB as planned. The guy said 350 and she said 100 to him. This continued until we just could not take the game anymore and burst out laughing and suddenly the shopkeeper too and everyone around us and we just went on and on... with the crowd around us wondering what was going on.... And we tried to keep bargaining whenever we could stop the burst of laughter. Finally, it was too much to take any more and we stopped at 170RNB and bought the glasses - Oakey brand!

We later went to the Forbidden city which was closing in another hour - around 3:30 pm. So, we rushed in the biting cold and try to cover as much as we could. Great place. My camera batteries were draining quickly but I managed a few pics.

There were 10,000 quarters in the Forbidden city I am told. And 3500 concubines. Some may have died virgins.

Grand!

The King's Throne... if I am right.

I returned this Saturday to Bangalore City where the Airport is like almost dysfucntional. You have to wait for the Taxis, for you luggage and the streets are jammed! And this is the most happening city in India!! The hotels cost here as muchs as 500 USD at times!!!

But where else can I get such a fine massage? As prescribed I was back there this morning. This time I was more relaxed but he probed the area on my back where it used to hurt and made me realise that the problem was not yet over - the pain lay deep inside in form of a latent fatigue . He mentioned that I must eat properly & be disciplined, because if I keep rushing each morning and spoil my 'motions' we stress our nerves and muscles in the area on our back. And I now realise how true he speaks.

By the way the oil he uses ends up leaving a strong smell that stays on your body for 2-3 days. I do not mind it, but one of my friends will not come near me for the day! But believe me the effect is real. I feel really active and inspite of work tensions and all... I feel like doing more!

So, I am back now. Following my Chinese Trip my Royal Orchid points are up and healthy - close to getting me a free ticket to Thailand and back!! Now, only if I could get free time. I do not want to go to Thailand for any less than 20-30 days. Going for 5-6 days is heartbreaking. I start counting the days as soon as I land!

Moreover, I never mentioned, but my last trips to Thailand were aimed to relieve me from a relationship without hurting someone - who according to others was hurting me!! But I am very careful when dealing with living things. So, now I am over all that and the next time, I hope I can get out of the 5 sqkm of Bangkok and venture deeper into the loving country!

A month of silence & some comfort

2006-02-25T08:42:00.000-08:00

Its exactly a month since I touched my blog. And I think my few visitors must have given up on me? Or maybe not.

I travelled for approximately 20 days and came back with a fever the day I landed and the day India discovered the Bird Flu virus! All symptoms matched but my inner radar told me that it was not so. Worst thing was that even though with high fever I could not stay home. Because 6 days following my return we had a big event to conduct and I am the co-ordinator. And the people using my help are all in dissarray.

Now, I hate medicines and doctors. I hate being taken care by people who I do not feel a chemistry with, when I am unwell. It is very peculiar. Some people qualify and some do not and its not my mind deciding it - it some other force within!! So, I live with fever and some cough and reach office. But suddenly there is a sudden sense of peace in being unwell...

If not the fever, my mind is restless and pacing and I want everything done right now. But with fever everything slows down. I speak slowly, I think slowly and people listen patiently... So, inspite of the nausea and discomfort I began enjoying the fever and work!!!

However, it was real bad the 4th night when I felt my head has been clasped tightly all night. So, I finally gave up and decided to call the only friend who can touch me at these times. Someone from 5 years ago, who I do not meet and he is well settled with kids and I told him that its best we do not meet until I 'settle down'.

" Hi, its me...."
" Wow, how come you called?"
" I am feeling unwell and you know...."
" I thought you planned never to call..."
" yes.. well I think I got a bit weak... anyway.. forget it, its Ok. How are you?"
<>

And then I put the phone down. Not sure if I did the right thing.

Anyways, next morning as I get up my door bell rings and there he is standing with a big smile. "You are a stupid guy and crazy. Why did you not simply ask me to come over?"

Its a fact. I can trust him for my life, anytime. But my heart will never be free if I do not stop meeting . You know what I mean? How do I explain such things to the person? For him life is just a river... whatever.

But as I always knew, his presence suddenly perked me up and I was up and ready to eat, bathe and talk. I took off and we wathced a movie (The king maker... thai movie... which has been lying in the cold storage for sometime)

By evening I was feeling much much better. And no medicines yet!

In the evening he gave me a short massage that did a world of good for my aching body and the next day I was feeling real ok... though weak.

Next evening I also had one drink with him and we joked about my crazy circumstance and decision about not meeting him.

" You understand why we should not meet. No? I cannot get a life, if I get comfortable?"
"No, I cannot understand. I do not think as deep as you are doing. You have changed a lot since we met, like many, but I have not. You know you can always depend upon me for anything? For me friends are forever... but you also know I am a guy and not a ..."
"Well, Ok. But you have to believe that this is best for me... else I just get used to life as it is..."

So, now I am well. And finally written a new blog. But, as you see I do not write things clearly.

More later.

The Big Banyan Tree

2006-01-24T07:04:00.000-08:00

This is just the beggining of the Big Banyan tree sprawled over 3-4 acres. 400 years old. A full view needs a special camera I guess or an aerial shot.

Today was a tiring but nice day. Had to drive down out of Bangalore towards Mysore, for work. And on the way we decided to drop in an pay our respects to the Big Banyan Tree and its really something - and really big.

Roots fall all over ready to grow into thick trunks. And fun for monkeys.

Spread over 4 acres or so, this Banyan tree is about 400 years and its a maze of roots, full grown trees, young ones and twists and turns. The branches are sometimes thicker than the trunk (or should I call them roots?) and its all spread around like a huge intricate umberella.

The temple inside is serene. The tree is sacred.

The nicest thing about it is that there is a small temple inside. This is what I like about these temples. A temple often does not have to be big. It can just be a small enclosure with an idol inside and thats it. It looks cute and such temples are spotted all over the countryside like milestones.

Anyways, the point was that people consider this Banyan tree holy and when below it, its rather peaceful.

I should have captured more interesting moments, but this is what I got. The young dog was so happy meeting the monkey and the monkey very parent like.

There are a lot of monkeys around and I saw them playing in a friendly manner with the dogs. And that too puppies. And of course playing among themselves too. They did there own thing without an issue - over the temple, in the trees, between humans...

One monkey seemed to have a special relationship with a lady there... always coming back to her and curious about what she was upto. Here she is trying to see what these two ladies are upto.

A man sleeps while monkeys plan their big move.

And as you see above, the man sleeps under the shade of the Big Banyan tree totally unaware of the monkeys planning some big agenda past him. It all just comes together here, without much complication... just as one keeps watching the banyan tree - wondering where it starts and where it ends.

The area just outside the Banyan trees's compound is unfortunately not so well kept, with soft drink packs and plastic littered around, because of the few tuck shops that operate there. Thankfully, when inside the banyan tree compound its all neat and most of all simple...

I like such unexpected visits whenever they come my way - like a distant light which suddenly grows and fills up my mind.

To eat or not? Monkeys here are intellectuals & philosophers!!! While I work in the city, day in and out.

And suddenly I am aware of the unnecesary nonsense in my head & don't want it anymore. And instead yearn to experience more of this world - the wonder & mystery that it is ... just to sit down and unravel it slowly, slowly... with peace & joy.

A One way ticket & the park.

2006-01-22T06:39:00.000-08:00

Today started early. I was invited for breakfast at a friend's place and from there on I planned to go and see the progress of my new flat. The flat is almost ready and I already paid for the wood-work now.

But on my way, I ended up into a one-way, the wrong way. ( Quite a co-incidence following my last blog!!) Bangalore has so many one-ways popping up each day, that if you miss driving one day you are lost. To make things worse, the road which is one-way in the morning changes directions in the evening. And the system keeps changing. We are the only city I guess who has a traffic crossing on the top of a fly-over!!

Bangalore has become a one-way street!

Anwyays, the police guy whistled behind me and I decided to heed to his call. I could have carried on like the car ahead of me, but I promised I must play honest...even if everyone watching me must have thought " Oops... what a loser?"

"100 bucks" said the traffic policeman, looking at me curiously. (This was probably the first time his whistle worked... with someone!) .
"Sure, my receipt?", I requested and smiled.
Ok, 50 bucks - he said.
Ok. But I really like to have a receipt.
"Listen 25 bucks or you wait for the sub-inspector. "
"Ok, 25 bucks, but I would have slept better if you had given me a receipt."

And I moved on.

The breakfast at my friend's place was real real filling and delicious. Like always, made my his man-servant who is the sweetest and queenest person I know!! He never speaks. He only hears. And he only giggles in turn like I must have spoken something very scandalous. "Please can I have more" And he goes "hehehehe" LolZ. Its really funny and cute.

Filled up to my hearts delight I feel very sleepy, but my friend's date arrives and I know I must leave now.

So, I say goodbye and reach the door and his man-servant is there to see me off, still giggling... and I just cannot help but giggle myself.... thinking about it. Lolz.

Anyways, I dropped my idea to check my flat and decided to instead check out a flower show at Lalbagh which hold some real horticulture and occupies huge space within Bangalore. (as for my flat, I will check it out next Saturday and bring in some pics.)

The flower show was quite nice ... many, many people and things to photograph. Nice practise for me.

The flower show is full of people. Frankly, I like watching people more than flowers.

I finally returend home by around 4. Slept. Got up and promised myself to blog... and thats what I just finished doing now.

After people, I like animals and birds a lot. This pic from the park.

Nothing great, I guess. But its been a treat this weekend. No calls from office. No lingering work. Just me and my rest. After 4 weeks of non-stop activities.

And then after people, birds and animals, I like to see nice sceneries like in this park.

Of course, sadly the park is got litter in parts, spoiling the show. I display this coke can, because it makes a more contoversial story about waste than mere un-branded plastic lying in the park.

But good things stand out always. Like these lotus flowers, which always grow in dirty water but are clean and beautiful in themselves. Always.

Cost of 'living on the fast lane'.

2006-01-17T08:08:00.000-08:00

1USD = Rupees (rs.) 44
One thai red curry with steamed rice in the top thai place in Bangalore & coke = Rs. 600
Hearty meal in a road-side Dhaba = Rs. 55-00
Survival meal road-side = Rs. 15-00

What's the cost of traffic violations in your city? Would you know? Not many of my friends do. And why should they? For they never violate... or maybe, they never get caught. I know, if you belong to a city, you almost always know where the police like to stand for their checks and when. Which turn, behind which big tree, when do they stagger and so forth. Its typically the out-of-state kids often with their out-of-state number plate bikes who get ensnared. And in Bangalore there are enough of them to fill the police coffers. Or maybe the fines in general are rather low?

I don't support traffic violations... but will be a liar if I said I have not committed them. Today, I feel pride in following the rules. Or is it because I got a car and enough money to do things the right way... unlike when we are kids... always running low on fuel & savings?

I have been caught once for drunken driving. That was just after I had bought my motorcycle... and that was many years ago in Bangalore. Of course now with a car, the chances of being stopped is far less... so it is. When I was stopped, the traffic policemen asked me if I had drunk any alcohol. And I proudly & ignorantly confirmed, " yes... one beer". And he gladly directed me to take position on the pavement, alongwith the rest of the sulking young guys - some really drunk ... some just confused. One couple, who were in the 'ring', told me that they had only one glass of wine each, and never thought that meant drinking... And we all, some 10 of us, waited there together for the next one hour so that the police could collect enough of us criminals to take to the station. Soon, we were telling each other how we were quite nice people otherwise or why we were not qualified to be booked. And as we managed to slowly rationalise and become a group with a common cause our self esteem managed to adjust itself somewhat back to acceptable levels. It was around 11:30 in the night.

In this period they stopped a van from within which came out these two paunchy and absolutely pissed drunk men. They were surely rich and the ugly kind of rich. The police asked them if they had drank? And they vehemently claimed that they had not...!! And they seemed rather angry that they should even be doubted on that account... It was quite a sight. The man almost falling with each step and shouting at the police men for thinking he drank. LOLz. The man promptly drew out his almight mobile and began calling. And it seemed to me the policemen were getting more and more unsure about their judgement... much to our frustration. For with them around, all of us seemed as sober as kids after their glass of milk. Not surprisingly, somehow these two would dissapear in the next 20 minutes... while we lesser mortals kept waiting for the next step.

We were all taken over to the government hospital and tucked into a small room where a lady doctor sat. We stood in a queue and were to report to the lady one by one. Everyone was booked for a fine on a the standard amount : Rs. 1000/- (or therabout... if I remember correct). Suddenly one guy started arguing. He had only had a few sips to drink, not enough to be considered drunk... and he must be fined lesser....and demanded an alchohol test to be taken. Of course there was no such complicated gadget existing. And the irritated lady doctor shouted back, " Do you guys think I care if you guys are drunk or not. I do not give a damn. Drunk or mildly drunk you all pay the full amount. There are not enough doctors in this hospital, and we have serious patients out there and I am not going to spend more than 20 minutes analysing you all and then you & the police go wherever you want to - home or jail. This is a stupid exercise the police carry out here. We have no time. Wish the police could go out and catch some real criminals and leave us doctors out of this all!!!"

Everyone accepted their fine and walked off. Sorry, not walked off... but picked our bikes and drove off.

For records I never got caught again... not because I know where the police stand... but because I always pool into someone else's car when going out partying!! Which sadly I cannot find much time for these days...

On Display - Fast cars & slow traffic.

2006-01-15T02:12:00.000-08:00

I have been travelling the last few days. And frankly every city is full of congestion. And fair amount of it in the capital city where there is an Auto Expo going on. Ironic, considering that while we hate the congestion & traffic, we love to see and hope to buy the cars on display. So, is life and modern times! Cant stop the race.

I happened to visit the Auto Expo on my visit. It took me 30 min in standing still traffic to reach there from my hotel & the return was worse - I spent almost 1 hour trying to find a taxi back. Rather cold there right now... but the huge crowds must have helped to raise the temperature or was it all the walking one has to do in the exhibition ground...? Well, I am happy to be back in Bangalore now. The congestion here is more familiar.

And I am rather fatigued, especially with the thought that I have destroyed my weekend travelling - once again. The 3rd one in a series. Urrrgh.. So, I simply put in pics, what I saw at the Expo.

First, the Jantar Mantar, the astronomical observatory built in 1700s. Quite a big watch to have! Well, it does more than that though. I found a site where you can read more about Jantar Mantar.

First a pic from the stall of a company called TVS (collaboration with Suzuki). Sorry, you cannot see much of the bike here.. But I like TVS because they have a nice quality image.

This bike the manufacturers (Yamaha) say costs 90000000 rupees. Its the one driven by Rossi. But guess the price tag is merely a publicity stunt. Would they really sell it if I went with an advance?

The mustang at the Ford stall. Ford seems to try a lot to remind people they 'started it all'. The congestions...? LolZ. But they had one of the good stalls around with good communication. And they did excite people with some good outdoor rock band performances and shows.

Honda's formula car. Very Nice displays and stall.

This is the indigenously built Scorpio by Mahindras, standing up strong against global competition and a real good result from a local company. And is quite a nice car/jeep. This pic however looks like a 'before' and 'after' story. LOLz again. But no, this is a nice vehicle.

Tatas the Goliaths in the Indian automobile industry, have more reasons to say they 'started it all in India', as against Ford- the highway congestions? LOLz...they are everywhere. Well, they are getting stronger & stronger as an organisation, with a singular ability and effort of building an Indian car.. And now, they have tied up with Fiat! Don't know the details though. Fiat has had a terrible patch in India. Probably they will use the Tata network to sell and other joint activities.

Skoda had simply the best looking and finished stall in the Expo. Supposedly, not up-market in Europe, this company has a strong reputation built in India over the past few years. Very cute ads.

Another bike, called the Isotope from TVS.

The Volvo City Bus. With so many cars and the resulting congestion, a good public bus could not be far behind? Available for those who cannot own a car or hate the traffic? The best thingis these are coming to my city - Bangalore.

The performances continues.... as I sleep at home. Upto 17th of this month.

Periyar Calling

2006-01-08T06:22:00.000-08:00

This story is backed by someone's real life, but events are absolute fiction.

The periyar river in Kerala, at the location I write about, is fast moving, gurgling. Unlike this pic. Just out of the hills/dam. And its rather hilly and cold about the place I write..

They were 5 brothers, two sisters, one father and a mother. And as was the case here, they were very different people each. But the difference was only for me and you to see. For, when there father was away burning himself and his wealth into liquor the entire family slept together, cuddled away as one. And then when their father passed away they slept even closer.

The family that sleeps together sticks together?

Of course the place they resided was rather cold in winters, in the high ranges of Kerala lined up with winding hills and rivers flowing through them. And below them, below their house, rolled the mighty Periyar river – though at this point it was more a powerful stream which would grow into a deep river as you went past the hills. The make-shift home in which the brothers lived in, was not always able to protect them from the cold, neither could it stop the gurgling sound of the river beating about the rocks while it sought a passage on its long journey ahead – all night, all day. The river soon would become their sweet lullaby and the cold – the reason for the family to come together.

Now, even though they slept together they grew different. The very eldest, born of the first mother, was an independent one – tough, ready and hardworking. The eldest would turn out a healthy, fair man with very good social skills. The youngest, and the darkest, was rather emancipated and fragile, but still the one who had the sweetest face, that all wanted to keep protected. The middle one was equally fragile looking, but with bones that seem they could crack any skull with just one hit. The 4th one from top, the one whose story we will hear, was the one, who tapped a little from all the rest. Strong, bold, hardworking, sweet looking. The only difference for him lay in the fact that he was restless and his heart melted just as quick as it became hard. He was Tomy. And he would have 2 sisters one elder, one younger.

Of course the toughest of them all, was his mother.

Tomy was a restless soul.

As is often the result among children of some families who ‘once were doing well’, this son of theirs could but not help but continuously try to understand what is that drives the world up there – where its rich, seemingly comfortable, & down here - where some families he met had never seen or considered life beyond there little patch of land. As for his family, as described by his mothers, they belonged to some other place, in some other time. Sometimes, when he would think of his father he would feel a sense of raging anger and at the same time a deep sense of loss and loneliness and sometimes when he looked at his reflection in the Periyar river, he knew he must be going somewhere soon… and it must happen fast. Just like these waters, they are always rushing somewhere… but where?

And then one day, when he was around 14 and when returned after spending a whole day playing at a neighbour’s house, he found an angry mother & brother waiting for him at the door. ‘You do not mix with that ‘wood-cutting’ family!’ she shouted. He knew already. Gentle suggestions were provided to him often. He had seen this statement in the sweet smile his mother gave to the neighbour’s wife – a smile, which said ‘ here is some food for us to share with you, but here, see, is also the line of my door step which you may never cross’. He knew, just as his brothers & sisters knew.

But while sometimes he hated the neighbour’s life of simplicity, he also was not able to resist the ease and freedom he saw in them – to live just as they were, to learn skills early, to know who they were and of course the ladies who seem to call you from every direction of their bodies.

His mother admonishing him, built his first sense of anger towards his own family. But of course not enough to shake any foundation. Not until the next week when he was found playing with the elder relatives of his neighbour family in a Toddy shop, among some very heavy bottom ladies.

He had ended up there while playing with friends in the river and after deciding that they must venture onto the other side of the bank, into the thick forest where some mysterious Toddy shop existed, serving the almighty coconut liquor – Toddy. Where tribal ladies and men also visited and where women happily mixed with men. Walking through the thick coconut plantations, climbing a hill laced with cocoa plants and a host of other spices, was really exciting. He loved his homeland. Especially, when it offers so much mystery to fuel his restless heart.

And that’s when while walking with his fiends, he met Prasad, the star in the village who was known for not only his strength and skills but the ability to attract anyone. No one knew how and where his earnings came from. The world was watching him as to where he would settle down – with whom and how. For centuries, people like him would create drama, pain, pleasure and sometimes big success stories. I am talking of the world that spanned a few square kms.

Prasad was quick to watch these boys and immediately felt that its time for him to express his abilities. “ Hey Tomy. What are you doing here?.” he giggled. “You know your mother will burn this forest if she saw you around here, at this hour?”

Tomy, our 4th son, bowed his head shyly, while his other friends went jumping around Prasad. Anyways, he knew he would be guided further now. This person ruled this place

“ Come, let me help you meet some life here! Will you have Toddy? No… your brothers will kill me. Maybe I can serve you some fresh, non-toxic stuff. No? “ Prasad picked Tomy’s hand an guided him into the Toddy shop resting at the top of the hill overlooking the Periyar river…

Toddy is a soft liquor made out of coconut. There are ways to make it harder! Anyways its very tasty and fun.

It was all wood - the construction. Inside there were long wooden benches and tables. Drums lay around. The smell of fermented coconut, pickles and fried fish hanging strong. It was hard to find who was the owner as everyone seem to own the place. The tables were wet with spilt toddy, sometimes dried out by a lady who was serving. Men were sitting with their Mundus drawn tight, chatting away in a non-stop chatter, gulping their toddy mugs, pickling their fish and frequently thumping their hands hard on each other whenever something extremely profound or dirty was spoken.

Once in a while an old man and old woman who did not have much to speak (having learnt life by now and so nothing more to say or hear) would pass by, enter the restaurant, fill a huge jug and gulp it down in one go and off they were one their way to their homes.

And then sometimes, a group of young and old ladies would settle down and there would be some really dirty jokes exchanged with the men.

Toddy tapper

So they were seated when Tomy entered with his friends and guided by Prasad. Very quickly Tomy was adopted by the old lady and pushed between the younger womens, who did nothing but tease him. Tomy was excited and at the same time humiliated. He must go the men;s corner and live up to his image and not be cajoled by these fickle though sexy ladies. And that’s when one of his friend’s made a big mistake by joining in the teasing – giving Tomy the chance to establish his manhood.

Tomy did not even know when it happened. All he remembers was flying over the table and landing squarely on the neck of his friend, throwing him down to the floor and then flying a flurry of punches. Its only when he saw the bloody face that he stopped, not able to fully understand what really happened. The elder men were rather amused by this young duel, but the old woman not.

People from Kerala are tough and cultured. The best thing is that they are rarely aware of it.

“Go back home now” she exclaimed. And blasted Prasad for bringing the kids here. But one of the young ladies were rather pleased with this young man’s strength and gave him a brief giggling look. “You cannot wait to become a man. No?”

Prasad came and held the two boys. “You guys are going to put me into real trouble. I don’t want your brother’s hounding me ok? Just keep quiet about all this and return home.”

Suddenly, fear ran through Tomy’s vein, thinking of what it would mean to his mother and brothers if they found about where he has been or what he has been upto. More blood seemed to evaporate from his head, than he could see running down his friend’s nose. And he quickly clasped the hand of his victim and pleaded “ Let’s go please” and they ran.

Unfortunately for him, the man who supplied wood to his house was silently present at the shop and it would not be very late before his mother found out the details made more juicy by the hour.

“ You can decide if you want to spend you life cutting wood and fishing with them and drinking your days away?” she shouted like she wanted to blow open the fragile roof of the house.

That day Tomy slept six bodies away from his families. . For a moment this distance seemed like a long rein given to him to fly away into a new land. He slept next to the wall, where the wooden panels had cracked and he could see through at the few distant lights that burnt in the houses that spotted their hill. Once in a while he would hear a few crunching sounds of foot steps as people walked by the trail besides his house, as the climbed up the hill or went down - torches in hand. People chatting distantly, puffing or sometimes chanting so as to avoid the night spirits. And then he looked at the rest of his family sleeping & it seemed that he saw the sad soul of his father resting among them. “ Will we ever do better than this?” he wondered.

For the first time he wondered what would it mean if he left them all for his own world. Maybe life could be different? Better? Maybe he could earn so much that he can bring them back enough, to make them happy and release them from the sad soul of their father? Maybe he could shorten this unknown, winding road they were taking in their lives? He knew young guys who were traveling out of the village often and returning with news of how they have seen the film stars, about the big buildings and vehicles and the big opportunities to make more money in one day than he ever would see in this place. Could he find friends? He would surely come back, because he loved his family very much… but if only he was successful…

As he dreamt all this… he soon went into an irrational world of dreams, where he saw the Toddy shop all lit up, the laughter inside and the young girl inside shining through the bangles on her hand. “Hey Tomy, come in” she shouted out. ‘You are a grown man now… “And as Tomy heard the words he saw the shop become smaller and smaller and his body started getting bigger and bigger… like the giants he saw in the movies in his village theatre…

And that’s when his mother came and placed another layer of sheet on her restless boy’s shaking cold body.

to be continued... I hope...

Have a great Year.

2006-01-01T06:57:00.000-08:00

That's the picture from a New Year Greetings I received today from a friend . Cute it is and quite meaningful in a way! The picture has been shot at Cubbon Park in Bangalore. Anyways, today was a day full of greetings, most of them via the mobile... and I spent the whole day clearing the SMS memory, hour after hour, just to get another load of "Happy New Years' ringing in. Most come from colleagues and they go like " Wish you and your family..." and in some case I had to remind them 'Could you please include my friends in your wishes too?". To which one responded.. " Sure. Family includes one and all."

The surprise greeting I got from paknam.web (maybe because I purchase something?), made me really proud. When my landlord's son brought me the envelope he was quite curious that a greeting from Thailand had come my way and he hung around hoping I could remove the card for him to see too (- hoping to find clues why I am not married? I think it is his life-long challenge to find out..why? LOLz). And so I did remove the card, a bit like Mr. Bean, showing around to my neighbours with a smirk on my face (well... not really like that, but I almost felt like doing so in my head).

Of course, there was loads of greetings last night in the party I attended in the city. By the way, terrorists attacked Bangalore on 28th this month, and most people were off roads last night fearing another attack. (The rumors - the low-down terrorists were going to bomb the year at 2230hrs sharp) I decided not to care. We had this nice party in a disc that was hired. Lots of dancing and jumping around. And when it struck midnight, and when everyone was literally dripping with sweat from head to toe, the hugging and love began. Generally, I am quite physical and do not mind other people's bodies... but yesterday was a bit too wet, really. A friend of mine who is rather prim and proper & elderly and who would not let anything change his well ironed and washed attire was in his most clustrophobic period - anxiously stretching out his arm as far as he could suggesting only a handshake... but you no how it is.... everyone ignored his hand and went straight for his cheeks! Yuck... for him! And very funny for all of us...

The party was followed by a visit to someone's sprawling house where I spent all my time playing with his dogs. (Dogs... again... they have suddenly become so much part of my life!). Anyways, soon my eyelids starting carrying more weight than I could handle and I left for home.

Slept at 0430hrs. 0800hrs my parents call me. 0900 my brother calls me and starts discussing about my new house finance calculations and I am busy trying to do mathematics with my head inside the pillow. 1000hrs my father's brother calls me from abroad. 1100hrs an office colleague calls in. Would there be another word for 'Torture on a sleepless Sunday!!

But still its cool. I slept enough. I got some very nice messages which made my day/year. Especially one from an agency of mine telling me that even " though officially you are a client... you area morale boosting person... and your ideas... help us always do a good job... everytime we venture into something with you...." Well, maybe he is flattering me, but why not give him the benefit of doubt? LOLz.

Once again. Have a GREAT YEAR!

There is someone out there....

2005-12-31T01:53:00.000-08:00

I desperately want to blog on something nice, but once again, the last 4 days have once again been very very tight - probably the most challenging days in my career. The events that unfolded and my participation would make it one real fine blog, I think. But I cannot write anything for the sake of professional ethics.

All I can say is that I must have taken 100s of calls and missed as many. I was sitting with groups of people working things out late into the night. Papers sprawled around, issues on hand, and my strong aim to maintain honesty, principles in whatever I do in these moments of high stress. My words never had more weight ever before.

Its hard to believe that just before things built up, I had entered the office sleepy tired and thinking if I should go home. And then since that point to now, I have been operating like I need no sleep. Thank God, for making the mind/body flexible enough to rise up to such occasions.

For some reason when things get really tough, one begins to see the world so well. For some reason when you seek help, people offer it? Also I keep getting surprised about the ideas that pop up in my head when in trouble... like someone out there is invisibly pouring it into my head? I keep thinking ... how did I get at that? How did I write that? How did I know this is the person to seek help from? It cannot be me alone... it must be a sum of energies of some kind people and spirits trying to be with me? Its almost like a big scandal - the coming of the problems and the solutions thereon... it just seems its all scripted somewhere like a drama.

And then when I come home last night, the dogs on my door have multiplied from 5 to almost 8!! Like they know I need some company tonight. Quietly they move as my car approaches, stretch out, take new positions and fold up again... watching me as I step out of the car to my door. I look at one of them kindly and the dog kind of perks up in anticiapation... and then I turn away... I do not like to offer my friendship to someone I cannot offer a large amount of time & love. Its better to live off tacit acceptance?

Hope today, things quieten out, and tommorow with the new Yyear brings in much more fun, understanding and time on hand.

So, here's wishing all of you there and also to all the friendly dogs of this world a very Happy New Year!!!

From the corner of my eye

2005-12-24T06:56:00.000-08:00

Been busy again (when am I not!). But that does not mean that I closed my eyes to my world around. I have been watching things pass by, from the corner of my eyes!

So, here that remains from the week that was, inna my head -

Two fat policewoman go into a park in North India (meerut) and begin slapping away happily at young couples in name of moral-policing. One couple goes missing in shame. The country goes up in arms; the policewomen are suspended. The tip of the iceberg is removed to grow one more day.

For while the TV relayed the above sad incident, my country is full of faceless citizens who are slapped each day without a problem. I cannot forget once my uncle slapping one of our servants at home - a person who was like my friend, accusing him of stealing. I have seen enough policemen slapping young people on the road - at short notice. I have seen landlords booting their labour. I have seen policemen in a park blackmailing a whore and abusing her & him. I have seen forces men caning a young person black and blue because he played dirty in a movie hall run by the forces- showing dirty movies! Just a few examples. And of course I have heard much much more - gruesome acts. Frankly, I doubt I will ever have and will see the police as a force that can and will ever protect me - unless of course, I use the services of my connected relatives or office administration. Think of my faceless brothers and sisters in the country. They no longer smile because they are sweet. They smile at you because they need your favours. Else, your power is and hold is just too enormous for them.

This girl who is a popular folk dancer in the movies today was once buried with her umblical cord attached by her own mother! Until her aunt decided that she could do with a girl child. Reminds me of my grandmother sharing a dark family secret of one of my great great grandfathers who burnt part of the house... so he could burn... you know what. Sometimes, India seems so much of a mess! The reason - we defend everything about our cultures in name of some external evil force. And with that we defend everything wrong in it too. So, it does not evolve. Instead what do we do. Jump between modern times and earlier times, like jugglers. Sometimes, we just get tired and stop jumping and end up sitting wherever we last dropped. Its the 'modern looking, western oriented people' who take up the visible task to change... and of course that has its own pitfalls. But then, thats what happens when we stop changing ourselves... others will change us... the way they want to!

Well, some people of course in India are aiming to change quick and far. For instance these beautiful ladies above who were once - men! Good for them, they got very good support in the audience which discussed their circumstances. In fact, the audience almost put one guy to shame. He asked, " Ask these people, can they ever be a mother?". And this recently-turned woman said, " So what was motherhood to you. Your birth or being raised by your mother." He never spoke after that.

I saw few movies on the TV, including my favourite malayali movies. Again, did not understand all the words but was still laughing, crying and getting excited anyways. I have to write about Kerala in my blogs soon. That is one special part of my life.

Its been rather busy for me anyways. I have 4 large events to manage within a short span of 40 days. Plenty of daily activities and deadlines. And each one has to be creative in its own way. Its hard to explain to people how much energy it takes in form of concenteration, anxiety and co-ordination. For unfortunately, one of the key aims in my life is to make everything look easy. A personal aim that I borrowed from the swimmer Greg Louganis, the olympic star. Who when asked about what is your aim in your sport (diving/swimming), and he said. " When people see me diving, they must feel its the easiest and most natural thing to do..." Heard it when I was in school and never forgot it yet.

Just changing my bulbs

2005-12-21T07:26:00.000-08:00

Just a little too busy and changing my 'bulbs'. Hopefully, will write tommorow with brighter lights!

Talking with my Moon

2005-12-14T08:36:00.000-08:00

Ok. I know you been scarred often.

But it is not so easy here too, ok?

Yes. Neither of us shine from within.

But well both of us do reflect well. no?

What's important is that we do it when it gets all dark!!

Hanuman & Karthigai Deepam

2005-12-13T09:21:00.000-08:00

Today, I went along with my friend to a nearby temple by the road. Just walking distance. My friend and his family went to pray to Hanuman. So did I for a moment, but I quickly sought permission from God and allowed myself to spend most of the time taking photographs. Well... I have always considered most Gods as my friends, except of course when I need their support and then I am their humble servant!

This is Balaji. Another incarnation of Vishnu. Lord Ram (as in ramayan) was re-incarnation of Vishnu. And Hanuman was Ram's dearest sevak (one who serves). So, where is Hanuman in the temple?

Hanuman is the smaller idol below. As a sign of a person who cherishes serving Lord Balaji. Now, while Hanuman chooses to serve him with all his love. I love Hanuman. Because he remains a bachelor. Just like me!! Lolz. He had enormous powers within him right from childhood, but was totally unaware of them till much later in his adulthood. And that too he was to be told before he realised. I like that kind of person and surely that kind of God!!

Coupled to this today is also Karthigai Deepam festival, very popular in Tamil Nadu. The story is equally exciting behind it :

"According to legend, Goddess Parvati once playfully closed Siva's eyes and the entire world was plunged in darkness. Hence She did penance at Kasi , Kanchi and Thiruvannamalai. The Lord, pleased with Her penance, appeared before Her on Karthigai day in the month of Karthigai. To mark the occasion, Karthigai Deepam is lighted on that day. She prayed to the Lord that the people who worship Him as Arunachaleswara should be forgiven for their mistakes, committed knowingly or unknowingly"

While seeking the above information I hit upon more information about the Arunachaleswara temple which you can read here. Its quite interesting. It also contains a a good description on why Brahma, the creator, does not have many temples in his name.

I am a proud Bengalooru-ian!

2005-12-12T07:21:00.000-08:00

A British built, now, the High court in Bangalore

If you came to know India recently, chances are you may know it because of Bangalore? Because of the IT boom?

Anyways, now please, we are changing our name from Bangalore to Bengalooru. The spelling is still being debated. Could be Bengaluru too. But I advise you to practise it well if you plan a trip after November 2006, when the name changes. Else when you arrive in India and people tell you Bangalore does not exist, you may just feel like Jim Carrey in the Truman Show!

Last two weeks, I have been receiving a chain mail about the history of Bengaluroo and I suspect it was a smart way to build a positive opinion for the plan to change name. Well, the name change is not going to solve the city's severe infrastructure problems, but then, if one waited for it, we would never change the name! Lolz.

The popular story is : Bengalooru (now Bangalore) got it's name from 'Bende Kaalu Ooru' (meaning 'Town of boiled beans'). That happened after King Veera Ballala II of the Hoysala dynasty, in 1120 AD, was fed boiled beans by an old woman in the forest. However, more learned people say this is incorrect and the name 'Bengalooru' was recorded much before King Ballala's time in a 9th century inscription found in a temple in Begur village near Bangalore.
I am just a layman and I will agree with whichever group is kinder to me.

If you do not know - the name Bangalore came because the British could not pronounce the original name. Just like they changed Mumbai to Bombay and Thiruvananthapuram in Kerala to Trivanduram.

Now there are many opinions about this change. Many say 'whats in a name?' and why cannot the government spend these efforts into the severe infrastructure problems we have. While others think this change will bring us back closer to our culture. Some others see no issue... because when spoken in Kannada, the local language, it has anyway been called Bengalooru. Its only in English that its called Bangalore.

As for me, I am not in a position to calculate the cost of change in a name (books, documents, stationaries, signs etc...) or the social cost of low self-esteem... because we continue to retain a colonial legacy.

However, personally, I like the Indian names more. To me Chennai , Mumbai, Thiruvananthapuram have a nice tang and sound sweeter when spoken versus their old (colonial) names Madras, Bombay or Trivandarum . So, I am rather pleased with this change!

And am keen to call my self a proud Bengalooru-ian or whatever the final spelling be. As for foreigners keen to learn how to pronounce it, I am ready to start a new business! LOLz.

There is only one nagging thought. Should we not get over our sticky obsession with independence? I mean Britain has changed, we have changed. More Indians today live independently in Britain against British in India? Should we not just expand our vision deep back into our 1000s of years old culture and be more confident of our future, instead of getting sensitive about the independence day? How many more colonial symbols are around us - for us to remove? Or are we going to forever feel like we are prisoners 'just-out-of-jail'?

Whatever. All said, I like the name - Bengalooru. And am happy for all who feel better because of it.

How many clicks before you can grow your hair long?

2005-12-11T01:11:00.000-08:00

These birds pop underwater and then appear meters away. Took some time to capture this.

Till a few months ago I never owned a camera. When I was a kid I was gifted one but as is the way in my family, my brother took it, considering he wanted it more. And I never gave it a thought. All my life, all the places I visited, all the friends I met, all the events I enjoyed are in my memory. No photographs. I never thought of it.

Now, I bought a camera. A Sony DSC H1. And since the day I bought it I have been clicking away! I still do not know how to use it properly - never good at reading manuals. To my favour the only thing I know is what I want.. so, I think. As a result of my job, where I need to employ many a pics. So, I have a fair idea what my frame should be. But how should I achieve it... is the challenge. And the digital camera is confusing me... am I doing well? Can I now grow my hair long - since now I am a photographer and hence more free than normal people? (Take that lightly, I know I am not!)

Had to zoom a lot for them since they were far inside the lake. And stop myself from shaking.

The thing with digital cameras is that one has the choice to take a 100 pics and expect at least one to be good. As also says - 'Igotnotime'.

But I have this burning desire to shoot at will and with some control of the end result.

Unfortunately, this year, Bangalore climate has always been cloudy and rainy. Very little sunlight around. And with my busy schedule... by the time i leave office its already dark outside.

I like this very much. But is there anything in this pic?

Wonder if its Ok to have only 20% of the pics turn out good? Or should all my pics always be great - or say 70% or more?

Need to find a good site for photography!

I like this picture very much. For me I see a story. Guys doing their jobs but still sensitive about individual and one-to-one and group equations. But that qualify as a good pic? I could never plan it.. so can never take credit for it.

And well... I am 1000s of miles away to be accomplished. However, a thought has been running in my head. Lets say, I catch a photograph which sells for a 1000 dollars and it has a person's face in it or a nice house from some village I visited or an elephant. Should one be sending half the money back to the person? Or to the mahout whose elephant I captured? Or to the owner of that house? Who is the owner of the picture. The picture or the subject?

Or maybe when shot for personal consumption its all fine?

Is that a tree you are looking at - looking at you? Is it Ganesha? Or is it just my imagination & hope to make this pic classify as good?

Or if I were to see things my personal way - this is not an issue. The world belongs to everyone and everyone in it? And we have a right to remember it the way we want to?

Touched...like the very first time. ...1

2005-12-08T08:39:00.000-08:00

Some events, people, places touch one in a special manner. Sure, there is a lot I love. But somethings... because of the time, place, the state of my mind or whatever leave a deep impression that lasts a life time. Maybe if I revisit them I may not feel the same about them. But here I am talking of that lasting impression in my mind and not what really lies outside. Below I list some links that I could gather of what touched me at home, in India.

Mithun in 'Mrigya'

The movie 'Mrigya' with Mithun. I was real young when I watched this movie during a sports training camp in hostel. A girl sat next to me, trying to get closer, but I was stuck to the TV, mesmerised by the story of this innocent hunter who kills (hunts down) a person who stole his wife from him... and cannot understand why the feudal law wants to punish him for that. The girl next to me, left me in the middle of the movie... it never struck me she was not interested in the movie! She complained to her parents (who knew my family) who complained to mine that I was so rude to their daugther. You can check a better version of the movie review at ( a site of a very cool director) : http://mrinalsen.org/mrigaya.htm

Bhupen Hazarika voice is in my head anytime I want. Here is the link to the song that got me! ' Ganga tu behti ho kyoon' (Oh Ganga... why do you flow?)

I was in the Hotel, in Kolkata, just finished work... all alone. I wondered if I should try a nearby disco for I saw a lot of nice people entering. But then I heard this song and my mood changed for the evening.... no make that a week! This is Bhupen Hazarika, an Assamese singer from the North-East and his voice and expressions are just too much for my heart!

The Song "Gori tera Gaon bada pyara'. (Girl your village is so very loving... I am 'floored') It got me fantasising visiting distance land where I would love & be loved... in a special way. Here is a short version link of the song: Gori Tera Gaon Bada pyara...

Mohan lal is in the centre

Malayalam Movies from Kerala are my favorites. I do not understand the language. But I got hooked to the acting of Mohan Lal - a superstar & the singer Yesudas - whose voice is awesome. Mohan Lal acts with such ease. His smile is so cool and his comedy so spontaneous. And everything he does seems like coming from within him and not some written lines. Unfortunately I cannot get the names of most movies Iiked correct and hence cannot search proper links. Except the ones with names like Vietnam Colony, Chitram & Devasuram. Or if you like to hear a nice Malayalam song from Yesudas click here..

Religious/Mythological movies. I probably saw all of them that were made during my school days. And any movie from Hanuman was a must. Jai Hanuman. Hanuman Vijay. and many more. This year a brand new Hanuman animation movie is released in India and I am all preparing to get the DVD. Here is the official site for the movie: Hanuman - The film

Bihu Dance

The Bihu Dance in Assam. The first night I went to the festival near are home in Assam I was awestruck. It was so peppy, beautiful and s..exy! I was trying to dance like that for the next 3 months. Of course, in the bathroom. Here is some information around it : Bihu festival.

The Periyar river

The Periyar river down Idduki Dam in Kerala. That's where my friend lives. Its a hilly region and the river is below his house. In the night the river's sound makes you sleep very well. And I would be taking a bath there at least 5 times a day. No shampoo, conditioner can compare with the affect of the water here. My hair and body would feel so smooth and silky. Believe me! And the entire region was so beautiful. So quiet at night. I heard a thousand different insects chirping and a 1000 stars above me.

The above pictures is not of the river as it is where I stayed. In that point, the river is fast and narrower. So, there are many rocks and nice places to bath. Unfortunately there is no link to the place I stayed in. But some information can be found at www.keralatourism.org

I am not sure I covered all, or in the right order. But this is what I could write about for now. More later. And of course, the things that touched my heart from the rest of the world.

Worldviews - Before time.

2005-12-06T08:49:00.000-08:00

Did you ever feel that long back when you were very young, even though you had hardly seen the world - its people & places, you seem to know what was coming your way for the next many years? Did you?

Sometimes I feel so. Not like a future-teller but I feel I got some hints on the way! Hints which I may have missed?

When my parents went abroad for the first time ( and the only time) they asked me what I wanted. And for some reason I mentioned - a typewriter and a rucksack. I cannot remember why those two items struck me but without them I would have hardly done much that I do today. At work I write 1000s of words each month and sometimes I feel its less to do with my flair to write but more to do with the speed I can type with. And it seriously helps my job. My rucksack motivated me and my friends to travel to places which I doubt we would have thought of ... without seeing ourselves as trekkers of some repute!!

And then I wrote two stories during my college time for the college magazine. One appeared, one did not. No one understood what i wrote and frankly neither did I. But now I think I maybe... or at least I recall them.

The first story was about me and a frog in the college loo!! It was about this frog holed in cavity-in-the-wall in the loo and my relation with it each day and how it develops. To the point that I was not sure why I was going to the loo - for my ego knock with the frog or for nature's call! The story continues through various ups and downs and duels/arguments - till we both turn our backs to each other. And finally, I begin to see a new world and meaning into life and the frog gives way to a book that leads me to a mystery world beyond daily vision. If you see closely, the frog depicted my sexual urges and how I try to cut through their meanings and try to find a social & human purpose in it. Well, in a way, I see the world pretty much like that today!

The next one was about vegetables turning into fruits and how the farmers refuse to accept it. Because they begin extrapolating the issue to the point that they feel their world is going to end now. And they start to destroy every vegetable that has metamorphised into a fruit! However sweet it was. Until they reach a point of famine and the die-hard are even ready to starve.

It is only then they realise that one person's garden still has vegetables as vegetables! This is a single, outcasted person. And the farmers query these vegetables as to why they have been so well behaved while their own vegetables plants are changing into fruit plants - The outcasted person's vegetables answer : " The person you outcasted loves us like his family. So we remain so. But you- you own, sow & eat vegetables but you do not love them... you instead love fruits. So, for years your vegetable plants have been trying to be a fruit so they be loved. Now, they have become what you love and there is no going back on that. Because we grow out of love and not because of the seed you plant!"

And so sense dawns and the village is saved.

I wrote this story once - not exactly, but somewhat on these lines. But its only now that I realise that what we become is what we become in the expectation that whether we will be or will not be loved. That's how and that's when we grow. Else its another way!!

Sometimes, in the world today, we are spending so much time aiming to own power. Like, if someone is good to me its because as if I command that goodness? Or if someone serves me I command that service? What we are essentially doing with this attitude is killing the freedom & choice to serve others and putting a premium on command only. So, if the moral-brigade is worried the wives and children are going stray so be it!.

For the wives in the country no longer feel like being the person who serves her husband simply because she no longer sees any love from the other end for her choice. She instead sees that she is 'expected to', 'its her duty' maybe... but never does she feel that she could really be loved & understood for it - as her choice. It does not matter if most ladies are caring... it is not a statistic... its still their choice as against someone's command or expectation. So now instead she rather be what is loved... and not owned. So, it applies to all aspects of culture. People stick to it through love & a sense of choice ( even if the choice comes to them like second nature/naturally) and not by force/ lectures on morality or even the desire to survive in extreme cases. So, I think. Once the thread is broken, everyone has a right to take the full circle and rediscover themselves once again.

We have forgotten the gifts we were given and only remember to who each gift belongs to!

As for me, I am just learning to realise all this.... slowly...

Everything happens in India!

2005-12-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

Last month the Thai princesses was denied entry into Lord Jagannath's temple because she was a 'foreigner'/non-hindu. Many Indians would be ashamed of this. And I saw some proof of that at this link at the RSS site, an organisation many would consider xenophobic but well, not in this case. As far as I remember when me and my friends used to go to temples which allowed only Hindus, none had any problem if one was a Buddhist, Jain or Sikh. All these religions are loosely accepted as part of the Hindu way of things, even if the faiths are different. I distinctly remember this when visiting the Pasupathi temple in Nepal, where when one of my friends from Sikkim mentioned he was Buddhist, the priest promptly mentioned that Buddhist are not excluded. Now, I am not sure.

The denial of entry to the Thai princesses is even more ironic considering that Hindu priests/organisations are a significant control in Bodh Gaya, the spiritual birthplace of Lord Buddha.

But I must say here, the above is limited to a few, though important temples.

One of the most unexpected voice calling for Jaganath temple to open its doors for all comes for a recently-in-news person - IG Radha. An Inspector General of Police, a senior position, who has fallen in love with Lord Krishna and who has chosen to dress up as a woman and depict himself as Lord Krishna's lover - Radha. Well it is common news in India for men to sometimes dress as women showing their love for Krishna. Some of course just offer their love without cross dressing. And some just pray to Lord Krishna as a supreme being. Either way its love. But in the case of IG Pandey, he is a senior policeman, working in an institution which through British heritage, puts very high value on the Uniform. So, cross dressing into office in the name of God - is at the least controversial. I, of course, find it cute. Better than the typical policemen with their bullying nature.

Unfortunately, most educated people in India will diagnose this condition very analytically trying to attribute various motivations and stresses to it - so that as modern beings we remain in control of our nature. I am not sure what's really in the mind of the person & why, but philosophically its one of those 1000s outlets Indian culture offers people and we should respect it, in my mind - before we damn it. How we deal with it is very much how we plan to deal with ourselves. Right now the IG has taken voluntary retirement to fulfil his 'union with Lord Krishna'. A slightly different version of covering this incident is found in the Indian Express article.

While India is full of old laws against the queer, has fair amount of xenophobia, can turn places of worship into aggresive commercial zones it is also the country where we have almost elected an Italian as a prime-minister; where eunuchs have become member of parliament; where men can cross dress in the name of God. And of course we have the family, the Himalayas, the IT boom, and people from fair to dark, from buldging-dark-dancing-eyes that tell you all... to the sharp-sherpa eyes which can take on all the snow blindness without flickering.

Everything happens in India!

(note: all pics picked. Click on them to visit the original site where they reside.)

Have some tea. Lets be family.

2005-12-03T04:37:00.000-08:00

DSC01087_00
Originally uploaded by trngam.

Its unsaid. But tea must taste the same across my family. Its not blood, but the taste of the tea we make that decides whether you belong to our clan! The tea tastes just the same across my brother's family, my cousin's homes and about 2-steps-removed cousins too!

If the milk in your place does not help the right taste you are expected to lament and lament about why you cannot get the right quality of milk or so, to confirm that you still want to belong to the family! And must soon find a source to get the right milk.

If your tea has too much milk than acceptable it reveals your low status! However, if you like no milk its OK. If you have too much sugar its another sign of your low status. Two spoons are just pass. But you are expected to have somewhere in the middle of one and one and half to get other people's trust. If you take half spoon you have arrived!

When you marry into my family, all the marriage certificates and ceremonies are of no value. You finally arrive when you can make tea the way my Mom can make!! When my father asks for another cup...

If you are travelling across cities and need to stop en route in a restaurant, you never have tea. You only have coffee. Because no one can make tea the way we can and we are not expected to like it another way.

I think we may agree to marry one across communities as long as the other family can make tea like us.

You cannot bring your tea for test anytime. It is only tested once a week. After the Sunday afternoon nap. And its done only by family members of the age over 65 years.

Once in a while you must be able to dabble with exotic tea which tastes very different. We should appreciate it but soon agree to come home soon.

When we do not like another family we do not discuss them. We discuss the taste of their tea or even the colour or even the way it was served or even the way it was poured or even the temperature it was served in or even where they served it or when.

You see... my family is very simple people. Tea is all it takes to be one among us!!!

Busy, busy, busy...

2005-11-25T09:01:00.000-08:00

The last week and more I have been busy, busy, busy. Very busy. So, busy that I did not have a chance to be embarrased by my last post. I have had one event after another to manage and many of them falling over each other.

Its when one is so busy, so tied up... that one dreams a lot. And every night I get bizarre dreams. Dreams which are hard to describe really for they are so surrealistic. They make so much sense, it seems, when you are dreaming ...but when you get up, the entire scheme is lost!

Another thing has happened. A bunch of around 7 dogs have found home in front of my gate! I look up an down the road and there is not other dog sleeping in front of any other house. Maybe its because they see that I am very careful with them... never showing any intention of harming them. In fact, when I drive in my car to the gate, some of the dogs just lie there, sure that I would never run my tire any further. Sometimes, I have to get out and ask them to move!!

In a way I like this trust. Something, which in this very busy period helps me slow down.

Drunk!

2005-11-21T09:11:00.000-08:00

moon
Originally uploaded by trngam.

Its been ages since I drank well ( much). Well enough to get drunk. Its been ages I did it alone. And I did it today. All because I saw a face in the bar that made me feel like staying on. All i went was to pick up a bottle of coke (from a bar. The shops were a little away). I saw this face, this smile and I knew I must stay back...drinking for an excuse.

So, I settled. Not sure what I was upto. Our eyes met many times but my heart already scarred would refuse to do more. It would not let me speak. It would not let me smile. It would not let me change my body language. All I needed was a miracle because I was doing nothing.

Is it not exciting to be attracted to someone who is smiling with everyone? Is it not exciting to be excited with someone who everyone is smiling with? Is it now joyous to see someone who is always smiling and has this look which says I am exploring the world... will you join me?

But I am scared. There is this thing called reality. There is this thing called tommorow's agenda. There is this thing called your weaknesses. Everything pulls me down. And I am scared to repeat life... knowing that life has never tried to be too kind for too long.

I want to bow with respect. I want to say you are sweet. I want to touch. I want to go home dreaming with home. I want so bad and I want so much... that I am scared for not getting it.

So, I stay quiet. In the corner. Wondering if love will ever come my way. I want to call my friend and talk to him about this feeling but his wife picks the phone. I cannot talk to her. She will be jealous. I try to get hold of my friend's work place number but it just rings.

I want to tell him I can feel love. I want him to tell me 'I understand'. I want to tell him that 'can I try and look stupid?' And I want him to tell me that yes ' You are already stupid not trying'.

God! Why does this happen to me at this time. The need to touch is so overbearing that I may well become numb soon. The need to hold is so high that I may well fold my hands and sulk. The need to laugh, cheek to cheek, is so much that my face is burning with blush!

People are so beautiful. But beauty so selfish. It hides in bodies, minds and events. Wish it was the air I breathe. That way I could do it, without anyone seeing what I was upto.

And i would inhale deep and deep till my heart fills to the brim.

For now, I will sleep. Knowing that I can love, for another day.

Worldviews. The fantasies and otherwise - 1

2005-11-20T00:50:00.000-08:00

I am always ready to be corrected. Since day one on this planet my views have changed so much that I am sure we can never be absolutely correct in any perception unless we have met and seen everything. Below I talk much of America... even though I never been there yet! But note!

When I was young, very very young, I saw these three hiker foreign girls walking past my house. And it seems that I told my mom - " I will marry these girls". And till date my mother beleives that those words are the reason why I am not married! Of course, beleive me that is not the reason!

Anyways, we were quite influenced by US when we were kids. It meant freedom and if you had some special 'miniority condition' it was an even more special issue. This freedom became an overriding condition. Even if I felt bad about Red Indians being beaten in US movies, Chinese & Japs being joked about; men trigger happy to kill each other to prove that who is more man - freedom was it all. And American merchandise was well accepted with all its stars and stripes.

And as is special to people in India ( those not affected by power), a sight of single farang man or woman in the airport, station or street would always melt my heart and I would feel like extending my hand for any help they needed. They just seemed so fragile - irrespective of how tough they were. I suspect this is the same original feeling that people in Thailand carry.

We grew up with lifestyle where we try to collect as many American symbols and sometimes would argue on behalf of total freedom.

But inspite of the exterior, my heart did not lie in the US. The thought of going to US scared me. I was intimidated in my head about people with strong opinions, ready to express it at short notice. I was intimidated in my head about people who would not accept the child in me, in the name of being a self-sustaining individual adult - and seeking help was considered a bane. I was scared that I would not be able to join their party because I did not have enough dollars in my hand.

So, America and its influence caused my life to split into two streams. In my view it was hard to be loved in the US! But its idea of freedom was something which came easy on the tongue and we would talked of it almost by reflex. My family is a mix of people in the cities with relatives abroad, those in villages, some rich, some relatively poor. So, to one section of my cousins I would project the US in me and to the other I would share the rest.

My heart however lay in Asia. Here I imagined I would always be loved. I would fantasise being a monk in a monastery in Tibet searching the depths of truth. I would imagine going to China and learning martial arts and being part of a warrrior team which would travel around the world protecting the oppressed. It hurt me a great deal when I heard that India had a war with China! These were thoughts which would never be spoken though with the modern city cousins who decided your rep. It would be the American stuff we would talk of, for that was fashion.

But us local cousins and mates, whenever we got a chance, would see every popular local movie, Jackie Chan & Bruce Lee movies that appeared. We would never miss any of the epic movies, especially about Hanuman & various other Gods. I saw them all. While at the same time I would enjoy watching the war and westerns from US. The first ones would touch my heart! The next ones would excite and be used to boast about how much we connected with the new world. Anything local was ... well out of fashion. However, to my fellows in hostel and 'not so modern' cousins we would fantasise around the local movies, jackie, martial arts and the power of our Gods. These were kept hidden from our cousins from US.

When some relatives would travel down from the Americas the first and most important thing we asked for would be Jeans. With jeans on your leg you were in. We would preserve it like gold till the next one arrived.

When in hostel, my set of Jeans, stickers from US, marker pens etc. etc. were prized possesions.

As mentioned earlie, my family is a mix of people in cities, people in villages, rich & poor. Now, when I was in hostel I had a choice of which relative to visit during those short holidays (may parents were in a far city). If I was keen on entertainment I would visit my relatives in the city where we would talk of all new foreign movies, watch TV, listen to disco music and act like we were far removed from the local culture and liberated and we used to argue and argue. This family would have visited abroad few times and would have enough goodies at home brought back. When I used to visit this family - I would enter the house, and sack out in a room. The relatives would carry on their business, while I would spend time with the kids.

But if I was hungry and if I was feeling lonely I would go to my aunts place in the village. There as soon as I would arrive she would make sure I get food of my liking with at least a stack of 20 rotis & lots of rice - all stacked up. I could eat like hell then. She knew why I came and never questioned it. She would pick my bag and all clothes would automatically washed. Instead she would bring me clean shirts and pants which belonged to my cousin. She would talk to me non-stop as I ate and did not care if I was concenterating on the food. My cousin would immediately be excited and the next thing we would do is to go to the fields for a bath alongside the tubewell or river. And we would spend hours just doing that. We would first talk of all the scandals in the village and make a list of the movies we will go for and people he will introduce. I loved it like anything. And in turn I would explain him the mysteries of the modern world which I never visited. Most of them just my personal versions. But still, as I said, I would come here only if I was hungry for food or feeling lonely. Else, it was to my modern urban relatives.

This split life was very much part of our upbringing but it would change drastically as I grew and saw more of the world.

Note, when I use 'America' above its loosely used for the entire Western world. So, how it was then. And I will carry this on in the next post.... on how I found there is more to this world than met our eyes. And how my American cousins started turning to India, while I turned to the world.

Still Waters

2005-11-13T07:11:00.000-08:00

ul
Originally uploaded by trngam.

Last night was the second consecutive Saturday that I came home late. On the way I saw the quiet Ulsoor Lake and wished I could stop and sit besides it. But the gates are locked and the fence runs all around its periphery. For a moment I felt that the still waters was missing our company. But neither of us could do anything about it. The fence between us.

Well, I have good memories of this place from earlier time, when we would philosophise on the banks of this lake. Well, there were a lot of naughty things happening too in this place, but that was not something that caused us any real hassle. We always found our little space!

At least I got some memories, the new set of people in Bangalore do not even know it was possible once to do something like that.

They are happy with the huge shopping malls that make up their weekends. Even if its about driving through dense traffic. That's progress here.

Its more about what rests on the shelves of your drawing room and less about what you did in life.

Love whats in your face, and not only whats in your mind?

2005-11-09T10:22:00.000-08:00

Two thoughts struck me today.

First, do I have to listen to people who speak for the poor and downtrodden when they never seem to show love for anyone within 10 metres from where they stand and sit?

Does the world have any other choice but to regress into extremism, with terrorism challenging almost every other country in the world?

Eventually both thoughts got entwined in my head.

The first thought rose when I heard this Indian Environmentalist on BBC Hard Talk today, who I have never seen smile, or show signs of benevolence - at least on the TV - just a perception. I have many friends who do social work and they are darlings. But I have known a couple of social workers-influencers who really can stretch your nerves. Like they mis-trust everyone who has crossed the poverty line. They never listen to the person next to them or at least give some ‘benefit of heart’ without taking the discussion to extremes and putting the other into some box of errors – especially if you have been doing your daily work without reading the papers or daily opinions. All because of their love for someone 100 kms away & sometimes 10000. Is that a good approach? How can you be a just person when you cannot ‘save’ the person in front of you in the name of 100 'dying' elsewhere? Or maybe that is fair...? - I am still brooding.

Same thought about terrorists. How do they justify one innocent person’s death against the death of some other in another time? How can someone who can kill an innocent person ever claim tommorow that he or she can love another human or be loved?

Now, when I think of social workers, my view is not really a general opinion. I really respect most I have met. Its only a few who can get on my nerve.

Now, considering a few people who have faced injustice, I have felt extreme anger on their behalf too, wishing the worst for those who may have caused it. Almost ready to condone any extreme action.

But in either case I know that once I slap a person without reason… or a reason that says – sorry, I have nothing against you, but I need an innocent bystander to sacrifice for my Gods – what do I call my God?.

Well maybe all this is nothing to do with any big thoughts or morals and is instead just got to do with survival? And some people are sure that they are going to die forever. While you & me will die just temporarily?

Now, the last point. Why do I take up the few odd social workers and terrorists-in-general as subjects? Why not the mighty Bush and other criminals of state? Because the latter are people that we anyway target as the public. Nothing new. It’s a fight without confusion. But social workers and terrorists are working on my emotions – telling me that if I do not side with them, I am being unjust to someone some where. Irrespective of whether I behave well and just with every single person I met the whole day… and they in turn destroyed half a dozen self esteems? Sometimes it’s a bit like blackmail?

For very long, I have kept the view that all mass communication is best ignored or kept in ‘doubt’ zone. As layman we can never hope to grasp the statistics ... but through blind faith in onw who preaches.

Why do we not simply, focus on that person in front of us. That’s the only truth me and you will ever have control on. The rest is one big political/social game in this world today.

And if each person chose to be respectful, kind, straight forward and truthful to the other would that not eventually make the world a better place anyways? From the very rich to the very poor. From the very left to the very right.

All we need to know is that we can be loved? And then we would be ready to die for our fellow being?

"Delhi is not far away"

2005-11-07T07:34:00.000-08:00

The capital city of India - Delhi- has many a nice things about it. The Taj Mahal is nearby in Agra. Its got big roads and is the centre of power. The Sikh taxi drivers are good fun friends to chat away with and the food there is always plenty, warm & cheap. And I have had many a good friends who have lived there. Many of them, when we are together, have a big heart and ready to go a long way for a friend.

But still... an idea to visit Delhi always depresses me. It just makes me feel so estranged. Something disturbs ...

Today, I read an article in the Deccan Herald paper that kind of expresses what I feel. Having read it I feel much at peace ... like a mystery unlocked.

Link to: "Delhi is not far away" by Vijay Nambisan, Deccan Herald 7th Nov 2005

The end of holidays

2005-11-04T23:37:00.000-08:00

Brigade Road

The holidays are coming to an end. And I think the rains have eased too. Sigh! It’s been eventful. Last two nights we stayed up late with a vengeance. Have not done this for long. Even though Bangalore bars close at 11 pm ( so that the authorities can sleep well & be healthy … to do what?) we strolled the main streets for long, chatted with strangers, before we settled into a coffee shop and then later to our friend’s hotel room where we chatted on meaninglessly.

Vidhan Soudha. The parliament building. Looks better when lit in night. Not lit in this pic. .

Like mentioned in Kitjar’s blog from KL, I too see many more farangs here in Bangalore, than before. This time the young ones. Guys and girls. Most likely they are on the way to or out of the 5 star discs/party events at the time. Lot of elders is also around and I suspect they know Bangalore more than I do. Its always good to pick up a chat with them, because they always have some interesting stories to tell about their time in India before and today.

Of course, there are the regular groups of middle-eastern guys staying up late – always parked next to the shops selling ice creams and milk shakes. I am sure the authorities love them for that.

I started homewards around 2 a.m. in the morning. And on my way got this reminder of the recent Bangalore downpour. Of course, the pic is from a parking lot so hope no one was actually hurt.

Wish you a happy Deepavalli!

2005-11-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

Its Deepavalli today! And people began this evening going all guns - bursting fire-crackers and with a display some cool fireworks in the sky. Each year I see some real nice effects.

Well I managed to capture some pictures of the fireworks in the sky this evening. But... then I captured some lightining too! And sad for many, it rained putting an end to the firecrackers today.

But knowing people, they will not rest until all their firecrackers/fireworks are exhausted. And so tommorow will be another day of fun. Especially for kids.

But for now, I am sure the stray dogs must be very glad. Because they really hate the firecrackers.

" Where did you sleep last night?"

2005-10-30T03:33:00.000-08:00

Pics taken from the exhibition at 1 Shanthi Road.

Silke Kaestner's show.

In an earlier blog I remarked how, inspite the useless conditions many of us Indians live in... many still show a heart. Well, I just mentioned it in a few words, but yesterday I found a person who has lived it through! And she is not even Indian.

Now, I am no 'artist' ( should I be?) or a critic to write about this with authority. But I am touched enough to feel I got the right to!

Silke, the girl who feels for India/Indians or maybe just people or maybe life alone, is from Berlin in Germany and has been wandering around India. She's been to the Himalayas for sure, I know. And she travels alone. She is an 'artist' for sure too but fortunately she is also a very sweet person!. And yesterday I happened to visit her show, which I hear is called an 'installation'. An installation, termed 'Where did you sleep last night?'.

At first, when I entered the studio, I saw just a few crates piled up on one another. And I said to myself 'that's easy & now what am I supposed to understand?'. Instead, I first went picked a drink for myself, munched on the snacks...

And then I returned. Nervous about revealing my ignorance and even more nervous to make a politically incorrect statement ... I slowly went close to these crates and peeped in. And there I see the picture of Silke sleeping on the pavement midst of traffic. And suddenly the surrealistic nature of the event struck me.

Everyday, I see these scenes on the road. But never did I see a blonde lady in that place. And for a moment my heart melted at the possibility. She was fragile, alone, far from her country and lying there in the middle of local junta. What did people think? Is she making fun of us? Did they think they need to help her? Did they feel shame that they considered her being, while many of our own people pass besides our wheels each day without anyone 'disturbing' them? Or were they already full of their own little issues to bother about it?

For me, the circumstances, made me wonder. When did I put everyone who slept on the road, on pavements, in the cold, in the heat, into their autos into a box? And how often do I peep into it? The box, the contents of which, remain hidden from my other box - my other box, which includes my colleagues & friends and me. All of us who sleep within fourwalls, mostly privately. Who taught me how to store my world into different boxes? Was it a way for me to focus on one single box - defined by those watching me each day?

Should I break these boxes? But if I do that, what? It will only open doors to a world I cannot swim well in or deal with. I rather the doors I open lead into private places only... ones I can handle and which contain nothing that will interrupt my daily routine. Do I have the guts to let go all my wants and learn how to remain happy... as long as I get a place to sleep, eat food and dream? Is that more happiness or is it estrangement?

As I stood thinking all this, without any conclusion or consequence, I felt another sense. The studio was the big box of all of us! General viewers, Artist, critics, conoisseurs, students... Silke had painted the walls in the nice colourful schemes, that seemed to reflect the colours of Indian sarees, quilts, and those we find in shops - so that we could feel comfortable with each other and ourselves.

For our sake she also put the pictures of our ancient stories, so that our faith remains intact.

On the walls she was talking to us, so we could see her smile. But her heart - she had put into another box - into those wooden crates. Her heart and feelings connecting to an India, which she can feel for, wants to talk about... but one which must remain partly covered - until someone tells us how to break the boxes or how to remove those experiences out, without hurting the subject, herself or us.

Well... having said all this, its very possible that Silke is reflecting on the multiple options of living life. A house, car, and ownership of people & land may not be everyone's agenda. And she realises that. As long as you can sleep somewhere... one thing is for sure, the world is still your home. Wherever you may close your eyes.

Well all this is my interpretation only. Probably, far from what she wanted to say or communicate. But does it matter? As long as we have our own boxes to live in... ?

Let's get warm

2005-10-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

The city is stranded on 25th, Oct.

My last blog 'romancing the rain' was rather shortlived. Just a few days down the line and the rains took my call for love rather seriously, coming down hard and long... until it managed to jam almost every other car in the city! I rather would have been on foot and without work the next day... wading through the flowing water enjoying the chaos. But no... I have this car and had to find me a place to park it somewhere ... on the road. Stuck for hours!

Bangalore is growing & growing...

I know there is a special reason for so much rain this year ( some depression in the Bay of Bengal) but I am quite certain its rained like this earlier in Bangalore. About over 7 years ago or so. I think since then the number of people have increased many more times over, there are more cars on the road, many many more new buildings. Building built in places, which just 7 years ago would be the 'outskirts'. As a result we have more people who will complain and more people who will be hurt. Simply put, I feel Bangalore has grown without supporting infrastructure or conveniences. Well... anyone living here knows that.

There is no way to salvage this situation but by a complete overhaul of this city. No patch work, no few bridges here or there - but a full blown overhaul of every road, every bridge and every connection and concept. Else, there is no justice to the 'hype' the city carries - as the fastest growing in Asia (or is it the world?).

But for some funny reason the most talked of city of India seems to have no money!

So, all confused, I turn my head to the more simple to understand things. Like these two young stray mongrels. Who probably have passed through at least 5 days of non-stop rains. Survived it and learnt to take care of each other.

So, simple. No? All that rain just seems to carry one message - Guys! Get warm!!

Buddhism & more, in Manipur

2005-10-22T01:59:00.000-07:00

Image picked from e-pao.net (about Manipur)

Its not neccessarily connected with the content of this particular article.

Manipur is a state in North-East India and like many is not necessarily very happy. Recently, its in the news because of the excesses of some army people. Generally, it seems to me that even thought the British left India, the 'babus' of India have treated every other state (especially those different from their own) like their little colonies. First, not empowering people. Next, not accepting the differences. And then not respecting these differences. Still, people remain rather tolerant (or is there some other word for that response?)... giving space to each other for some solution to our issues. And I hope there is one in the coming future. else, too much time has gone by ... too many people's aspirations confused.

Anyways, I spotted a nice article on the Manipur forum site e-pao.net and summarise it below. More if you click the link at the end.

Buddhism in Manipur , by Prof. M.S. Ningombam

"Buddhism in Manipur has never been well developed in spite of its geographical proximity with Myanmar. The people of Myanmar are of Mongoloid stock, having similarities in the social practices with the people of neighboring country in absence of caste system, agrarian life style, and women's role in society, beliefs and temperament with the people of Manipur. But the elements of Buddhism are found far and wide in the hills and valley of Manipur long before the advent of Hinduism. The Epic narrative of Khamba and Thoibi, the folk tale of a boy who became a king of Burma, Mitay chronicle of Nongpok Haaram (a record of the migration of people from the east), to mention a few are examples of close relationship of the people of the two sides. The migration of the people of Shan origin in large number is also a historical fact...

read more

e-pao.net

I love a rainy day.

2005-10-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

DSC01963_00_00
Originally uploaded by trngam.

I love a rainy day. But it was not always so. Not before - when I used to ride a bike. Many a cancelled dates, many a wet & cold nights, many a lonely evenings. So, one day I managed to buy a car. And was so happy for it. That was 1998. And since then it stopped raining as much! What a pity. Well, it does rain well in Bangalore but not like it used to... until this year.

Its like the old days this year. Its been raining and raining ... day after day. The day starts relatively clear and then the clouds start building up for the evening duty. First its white up in the sky. Then white are joined by shades of grey and of course patches of blue. By close to 4 in the evening its all clouds - big thick white fluffy clouds and typically in the South-west a huge dark looming cloud. All of them like freshly drawn cotton puffs. And by around 5 in the evening its pouring. And I love to take my car out of the office back home. Its real cool.

But now that I no longer ride a bike, but instead a car... do I keep more appointments, meet more friends. Unfortunately not. When I had a bike I had more time and less demands on me. Now, while I have a water-proof car, I have tighter schedules at work which flows non-stop, like a river flowing through hilly days. Days that are indeed big big hills, built up with piles of work that flows in from the opposite direction, and its really hard to tell how much more there is to take on!!!

God... I really miss those rainy nights on the bike. Often parked while I cuddle together with other people under a tree. Making unexpected friends or simply watching the water run over your feet, like its come down to earth with some very urgent work. I miss asking for a lift from others. I miss thinking that rain is actually a medicine that my body needs and God sends down. I miss feeling cold, cold and cursing all cars and trucks on the road for having it so well and splashing water all over us. I miss dreaming of a car that holds me & my friend caught in a lonely road while it pours all over and mist turns the windows opaque.

Still, I am happy, that while my bike has turned into a car. Rain is still rain. Full of joy and bringing the desire for some warmth.

And yes, tommorow I am going to make sure that I drain out all my work and keep myself ready to get wet in the evening. Sure, I must.

My Nagaraja - The Serpent God

2005-10-15T00:48:00.000-07:00

DSC00789
Originally uploaded by trngam.

Kerala and Malayalis (Keralites) are wonderful & unique! I have meet many interesting people and travelled to the state on my own... again & again. I will soon try to share my opinions of both but before that let me explain these recent picture. The above picture is of Nagaraja.

This is a picture from my friends native home, where they have a temple for God Nagaraja (Naga: Snake. Raja: King). Its in their private land, shared by the entire extended family - a Nair family. This means only they have rights to it and that means me and you just cannot walk into pay our respects unless we know them. For that matter neither can the family themseleves enter the centre of this prayer area unless they have finished taking their bath and then again one must enter wet (&dripping) and for men this means barechest.In this case above the priest is cleaning and setting the place up for the puja to begin.

Anyways, the families have to co-ordinate their prayer dates in the year. Last week, was my friend & his close families slot to offer prayers to Nagarajav here. Offering are made as you see in the banana leaf in the picture and of course through prayers. In the middle of the leaf is a burning piece of long wood. The saffron powder on the leafs is 'haldi' (what do we say in English?.. Turmeric powder).

Of course you see a lot of flowers around too. The priest first sets the place up, cleans it and makes it ready. The prayers also include lighting of the lamps. These lamps are very traditional 'Kerala' and beautiful. Some quite heavy. Someone or the other will always takes care to keep them lit, throughout the year.

There are not many snakes around to see 'live'... at least you cannot see them at will. The forest density has reduced the numbers, but once you could see them around, I hear. Neverthless the temple includes a home for the God Nagaraja's manifestations to take shelter in. See the picture above.

I think this entire practise is so fine. Respecting the snake, a fellow living being and this case the Lord, with its role in the universe, is such a sense of being one with life? And if you do it in an environment that Kerala is, it builds such a nice feeling?

I think, Nagaraja, has been part of Kerala tradition since ancient times. There are numerous temples in his name in the state.

For me, Kerala is the place to visit in India. The reasons 'independent minds'; beautiful country; great & unique traditions; influence by the dutch, chinese, portugese, arabs and very very intelligent people who have huge patience in whatever they do. For me, Kerala is pretty much like Thailand minus the city life. In more ways than that meets our eyes. More about that later.

The heart of the damned.

2005-10-12T08:07:00.000-07:00

See these trucks? These belong to the damned of the country. Truck Drivers. Everyone hates them. Almost everyone. But thats a misplaced perception. Most drivers do not own these trucks - vehicles which must be the most outdated, difficult to drive, and offering a poor working place for the driver. Enough, to make you and me a devil on the road - if we were asked to drive them 1000s of kms every week through some very very difficult terrain and roads? Many of us already do it even with the little 1000cc cars and even less powered bikes...

But if you have driven long-distance in India, in my view, you can always trust the truck driver to help you and guide you forward. They are not rash drivers as perceived. Instead, it is the local truck drivers (ones operating within or around the city) who are rash. The long-distance driver has big faith in God and if you ever jump into his cabin area you will see best efforts made to make it a home and keep it clean. Something which all of us driving on the roads miss - intimidated as to why someone else has bigger vehicle than ours? So, we keep cursing them.

These truck drivers have no much say in their working conditions but they travel 1000s of kms across India... seeing places we would never in our lifetime. They probably know India better than most... only they could put their hands onto a blog.

I am always amazed that how much heart and care people show, inspite of their absolutely useless conditions... which the opinion leaders will never take note off.

I think, its the lack of true benevolent leader who can identify or visualise the strength of such people, is where the problem lies. India maybe progressing but a lot of hardworking people are unable to find their road ahead. The least we could do is to respect them... and they would get the confidence to take the next step.

But no, the way our policemen and every other public authority behaves it can destroy any normal person's self esteem. But still, the truck driver stands tall against all this adversity.

Today is a Ayudha Pooja/Saraswati pooja/Maha Nvami. Its the culmination of the Durga pooja. Its the end of the 9 day festival we call Navratri. Wherein some carry out fasting too and in West we have the ever-popular Dandiya/Garba dances each evening. It is the last day of the celeberations where Ramayan is replayed and on this final day, some carry out the burning of the effigy of Ravana, the 10 headed King who kidnaps Ram's wife. However, in some parts of the country Ravana is not viewed in the negative manner its done up North. He is regarded as a learned, wise person with great faith in God. In Tamil Nadu, many pray to the three different Godesses : Lakshmi, Parvati and Durga. Each representing a different facet of the women. Of course, the very deep Brahmins continue the prayers across the spectrum of their faith. Today, a close friend of mine keeps his text books/print material aside while praying to Goddess Saraswati - the Goddess of Education.

Today, everyone has specially cleaned their shops, workplaces, vehicles and decorated it with flowers, garlands.

So, today everyone's house, workplace, and vehicles are shining and decorated.

Of course, the town remains dirty. A paradox that is India today!

The only reason I see - is that a majority of us do not feel ownership of anything beyond the four walls we stay in?

In the centre of everything?

2005-10-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

Maybe I got it wrong about myself. But I cannot help but think that I remain at the 'middle' of everything within these laws of our universe. Its hard for me to take a position on most things, except when it comes to survival issues! Socially, sexually, physically, communally(is that a word?) and God knows what else 'lly. Guess there are many in this 'position'? However, in most discussions it would be called 'sitting on the fence'? Or would it be called ' best of all worlds'?Are there many of us like this?

Its not that I do not argue or do not fight - But only when I need to defend my space & freedom.

When I was in school hostel, we had two groups built of two different streams of communities. They were always at war at each other. Fights, arguments, territories, heirarchies. But all through the 4 years, I never happened to align to either. Both accepted me. And I cannot remember another person that neutral, in that period. Special position?

Now, about the global passion of the taking two roles - the explorers & the explored. This I think applies to most of us. Being a certain Indian, of a certain social class and a certain community, I seem to sometimes see myself in the position of exotic animal in the population - immersed into fulfilling the demands of my little world - regardless of the going ons in the rest of the planet. Where outsiders and also farangs would probably come and see a person like me as the flag bearer of the Indian picture they carry in their mind. So, is the impression I get from some. While at the same time I can often relate with India & the rest of the world, as a first time wanderer would! A relationship where I want to explore, discover and unearth the exotic and unknown. So, sometimes I feel I can see my world from many view points. Sometimes like the software, sometimes like the programmer, sometimes like the user.

Being brown, but yet not dark enough, but still be from a family which is fairly fair. This lets me experience the world in different colors. And my attractions come in a range. Was that why my first attraction was a Nigerian and the last one someone absolutely fair from Kerala? I could feel the specialness in both! I do not mean to be a racist, but I did carry some pre-judged thoughts which following my experiences have been rather ironed out!

While in personal life to be able to see the world from various point of views is a rather exciting experience. Its tough in professional life. I mean, I have dealt with bosses and colleagues who sometimes go round and round the bush before they zero in - in the name of intuition, innovation & creativity. And I have dealt with ones who start by listing each logical element of a plan before it all adds up to the last fraction! I can work both ways, depending upon the circumstances. I personally feel each route can lead to profound results. As a result it often seems to me that I get to understand the road everyone is taking, but not everyone gets what I am upto!!! Either they think I am deep or profound. Or they feel, I have gone of the handle!

And sexually? Do not ask me to describe it here. But beleive me I am at centre of it all! Sometimes it works for me, sometimes it brings down the world the other person held.

And then socially, I got friends who live in 'huts' to those who have big farms in the outskirts. I relate with people who do not share a common language with me and I connect with people with who I discuss the 'superstring' theory! I can never see it is difficult to relate with any of these as such. But often either of these two sides do not see it so. And till date I have not been succesful enough to combine the two together in one place! Which means double time for me...

It is not that I am a great social person. Not that, at all. But the point is that I just feel positioned in the middle of everything. Sometimes its tiring and sometimes it is provides me a feeling of oneness.

For instance, I work in a company which is 50% engineering focussed. And everyone thinks I am creatively aligned. (they think so...) And good for me if they think so. Its a good perception in the marketing field. On the other hand I have personal friends, mostly in the art/creative professions who think I am quite an engineering professional and a nerd.

Sometimes, I feel betrayed by either side. Sometimes I feel like taking them on a wild ride!!

Sometimes, which is often, it is simply so.

Co-incidentally, as I write this blog I come across some tests to show where you mind and disposition lies - > magnoy's samsaraAs for me the last time I checked (one of the older simple tests) I was in the middle of my left and right brain! The time earlier I was on the left side. And the time later on the right!!! Oh poor me....LOL!

Being Indian 2

2005-10-08T07:01:00.000-07:00

contd. from part 1...

So, the edifices of my country, I held in high regard, came falling down. It describes a rather meek picture. No? But India is everything and if you know of it, you will also know that this could only be a part of the entire story.

And here are some symbolic events that will now show you the faith & love I have for my country. Well, better time to write, but on the birthday of Mahatama Gandhi? Of course, these are personal experiences and I do not follow him 100%.

We went trekking into Himachal Pradesh during college. And took base in one remote village - in the fields, on the hill slopes, equipped with just a few warm clothing & bags. The villagers noticed us, came to us, forced us to move to their village and offered us special food and shelter. They would have it no other way.
The next morning when we were ready to leave and we were getting onto a local bus I suddenly experienced a moving force that almost droppped me - like somebody is tackling another in rugby). And soon I noticed I had one of the kids (we talked to the night before), holding me with his arms & legs. His affection (in just 8 hours) was terribly spontaneous that I almost would cry - if he was not already doing so!
When I began working in Bangalore, I lost my job (because my company went bankrupt). I had absolutely no money and could not muster courage to ask home for it. But then... every morning I would have a 50 - 1oo rupees in my purse! My rather poor karate teacher ( who earned money as a steward) and who would be staying nearby, was without asking ensuring I survive.
So, my friendship with this person would grow very strong. And even if he was not rich, I was taken all over his hometown in Kerala. Make many many friends and get an unforgettable experience.
Eventually, I paid him back. He fell in love with this girl and it was my house which first became his love nest and later a place they stayed with me for one year!
I was involved in a bad incident in a remote village in Tamil Nadu. And we had the whole village on us. Just 3 of us. One keen to pick a fight (how & why do not ask me). And the other two including me, who did not know the local language. When everything seemed lost - came this lady asking me where I was from. And I do not know why I answered this, but I did - 'army family'! And she happened to be a retired army jawan's wife & in a moment she challenged the entire village to touch us and gave them a big lecture. thereafter we were equipped with cool cool water and a guide for us to the next destination!!
I was stranded on a railway station during heavy rains on my way to home from hostel. A person whose destination had come and who was in the same compartment as me, offered me shelter in his home. He was a Parsi and I can never forget that house. It was very very old - but very very beautiful. And the most interesting person there happened to be his grandfather who talked to me non-stop all night!

And all these events happen 1000km from my native place. I really feel that the we, Indian people, have enormous benevolence and love in their heart if only we could channel them. Espeically in the rural India, there is so much kindness by nature that we should really not let it go. We need to tap it - so that we learn what we really were meant to be. Else, if we loose it all - we will spend many more years re-discovering it. More years, than the years we were colonised.
I rather India forget its aim to become a 'super power'. And instead focus on ' a high quality of life, progress and togetherness with the world.' For, look around - where is the humanness in being a super power?

Today is Mahatama Gandhi's birthday, and I am sure he would approve it, with necessary changes to his own and my views?

Being Indian 1

2005-09-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

There cannot be any method to bring back the worldview that I held when I was a kid. I always knew I was from one particular community, but I could never be able to differentiate myself from anyone else in the country. The issue was mu. Not applicable.

Every land I stepped on, every person I met was my own. And there was a lot to experience thanks to being part of an Army family, posted from place to place. North-East, South, West and East. I could not ever fathom anything but the highest of respect for teachers, elders, officers and hard-working farmers. To the extent that I used to think that newspapers reporting crime were actually fiction. 'How could adults be bad?,' I would wonder.

And then the edifices fell one by one. And here are the symbolic events that did it.

First, it all began when I was sent to a hostel. I was probably one of the better students and hence used to always have a load of class-mates seeking my support when we approached exams. It was my first exam period in hostel, and I of course was studying with a friend - from Himachal. But suddenly a group of Jat Sikhs came to me and asked me to join them in the studies. 'Why?', " I asked. "Because you are a jat sikh and we stick together."
And thereon I began to find out who we were - Baniyas, Jats, South Indians, North Indians, North-Easterners, fishermen, Babus, Papas, schedule castes...

Two years down in hostel and I soon find why a few students never joined us in the class rooms during exams. They had special rooms to take their tests. And why not? Their parents were also our teachers!!

And then one day my best friend in hostel, from Mizoram, refused to let me join him home for a holiday. Because, he said, reluctantly, "we are different and you will not be comfortable. There are no outsiders in my village."

And then one day my close relatives (local guardians) on seeing a friend I used to play football with mentioned. "Who are your friends? This one is got such a fat nose!" they giggled.

And then when I moved on to engineering college, I started be-friending a group of class mates from South. For six months, I was overly curious with there unique religious and social customs. I probed, I joked, I demanded to get a closer idea - to the extent of ridiculing them and making it all look a joke. Its then when I realised what I was becoming. I was expressing my anger at life for showing me that it was full of social conflicts and for destroying the image of my sweet world. I was panicking. I was becoming what must be called- a barbarian. The destroyer of anything different. The plunderer of beauty. The one who had so little within, that stealing the world was the only mission.

And that is the day I decided that I will not wait for the world to be good, before deciding that I am good. I will try to be benevolent, by choice. Not reacting to the world outside me, but instead nurturing what should be me. And so is how I began my journey forward. A long one and not always so simple.

Tibet-in-India

2005-09-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

I took some pics from Dharamsala covering the tibetian town of McLeod Gunj, Dharamsala and the Buddha temple. You can see them here :

http://www.flickr.com/photos/trangam/

choose set: Dharamsala.

McLeod Gunj, The home for Dalai Lama & Tibetians in India

2005-09-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

I always knew that McLeod Gunj was a place close to my native home, but never realised it. However this time I had an opportunity to drive over to this important place, where Dalai Lama has his home in India. This place is in Himachal Pradesh, near Dharamsala.

Its a rather small place, beautiful hills around, but the town itself is rather congested. It was a bit dissapointing for me to note that the place was not developed better considering its global importance. Maybe its the local administration or lack of funding?

Neverthless, when you enter the temple area, do some roadside shopping, and eat Tibetian Momos its a nice feeling.

Also, the local population around Dharamsala were pretty much like those from the plains. Frankly, on a personal note, I always expect hilly regions to maintain their own small sub-culture - always different when compared to the land people. But in Dharamsala, in HP, I did not notice much of that. Maybe, I did not see enough. Its different for me in the hills of north-east, Kerala. There you see some real interesting lifestyle & cultural practises. But of course, the nature and the beautiful hills and green in Dharamsala do provide a breath of fresh air into ones lives. And of course, the tibetian settlement makes the place special.

There is another home of Tibetian people in South, near Mysore City. Closer to where I live (Bangalore) ... But I have to still check it out.

The friendliest God

2005-09-10T06:16:00.000-07:00

Ganesha is the friendliest God of them all. Just look at him and at least I feel so. In India, especially in the West (Maharashtra) its a big festival. When I use to be in Pune, we would spend all-night-long visiting the various pandals where people would have set up Ganesha's statue under various thems - some very current. Ganesh tackling terrorism, Ganesha & Cricket, etc. etc. And I think there was also the Best Pandal award too. Eventually, the Ganesh statue is carried in a procession and immersed into water.

Its really fun when the entire city (or much of it) comes together for a common festival. Well, I am not a Hindu really but for me its as much joy to participate in this festival and offer my respect to Ganesha as anyone else. And this is where I feel bad, because most Urban cities are busy caring only for their own little families. They rarely come onto the roads. In cities, the laws are regressive too. Earlier in Bangalore, we would be happy out in the main roads celeberating New Years on the road. But of course, with time, drunk guys started creating problems - or we started noticing it?. But instead of sprucing up law and order and controlling it, the police/lawmakers conveniently began demanding shops/bars etc close early and today its as early as 1100pm. Everytime, the police or civic authorities see a problem, they either ban, close or limit things. They just never seem to have the energy to find a solution!

So much for progress. Bangalore was more fun 10 years ago than today, even though everyone is so excited that its the fastest growing city in Asia.Still, I love Bangalore and its my city.

My first Blog and its my birthday!

2005-09-07T06:09:00.000-07:00

I wrote my first blog on my birthday at 360.yahoo.com but am migrating to blogger or using one as a mirror of the other. It seems easier with blogger. I hope so.It was a noisy day, the day I wrote my blog. Not because it was my birthday but because it was also lord Ganesha's festival. Sept 7th. My little birthday party would happen later that weekend.

My little B'day would be postponed because I would just return from Kolkata. Kolkata, a place I like. Why? Because it has a character, a root, despite being a congested city with a load of problems . In Kolkata, the person making tea owns the city as much as the person driving past in his limousine. Very unlike New Delhi, where I feel only the rich and the loudest run the country. Despite it being more 'cleaner' and 'well-run'.Of course the city I love most is my Bangalore. Not because of what is happening here today. But the reasons why I am here for 15 years now. Well, that would be another blog for another day.

Kolkata, I love, for another reason. It is (by land?) closer to Thailand... the country I like so much. My dream is to one day trek through the North-East into Burma and across Thailand. With some chosen friends and hopefully making some alongthe way. If I can do this trip one day, and when, remains unanswered. So, now, I keep the dream.

I remember the day I wrote the first blog, was also a stressful day - about work & family (that means - parents). I was busy on how to plan a visit home. I have finished that trip now though and returned with some pics from home & nearby places, especially Dharamsala.So, great. I have some agenda to get forward with! And I hope to include some cool pics with my new digital camera. Probably one reason why I thought of blogging! Yes, my perceptions and worldviews about this world, its people, myself and the universe - that would be thoughts I like to pen down.